Suicide Journal (BxB)

Suicide Journal pt.4

I love you, Goodbye

**Kevin's POV**

I pick up the journal and begin reading it, how can this be my Haru. The Haru I knew, was always smiling, always laughing, always so happy.  As I continue reading though, it becomes clear to me that I was wrong, the truth is I knew nothing about how Haru felt. I was so blind. It's almost 5 in the morning and I just finished reading the little notebook. My tears are starting to burn, my eyes are extremely sore, and for some reason I cant stop crying. But all I can truly think about right now is how mad I feel about all this. Haru starts making a little noise, tiredly trying to sit up. SHIT! he must be up now, ah man.. I really don't want him to see me crying like this. Even though I'm thinking like this I can't help but to quietly  say out loud ;"Does life really mean that little to you?....
"Kevin I.....um can explain......."
EXPLAIN!? Oh you mean how you were gonna kill yourself because you thought I would HATE YOU for liking me!
"I'm sorry I was just//////......
YOU WERE JUST WHAT! ; I'm crying even more now, and it feels like I'm having a panic attack, my heart wont stop aching.
"I WAS SCARED OKAY!"
;" I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT'S YOUR REASON!? I thought we were best friends, you should of known me better than that.
"I-I know, but with all your girlfriends......"
I only dated all those girls because I thought it was better to hide the fact that I was gay!!!
"W-what...do you mean?.......
I FELL IN LOVE WITH YOU AT FIRST SIGHT OKAY!!!!😤😧😳
"Huh...wait wah...h-how?"
When I saw those people bullying you in 9th grade, I thought you looked so cute and fragile and felt like I wanted to protect you for rest of my life😳😳😳......; We both stay quiet for what seemed like forever, then I broke the silence saying.... ;"In your suicide book you claimed that I was the person you trusted most in this world right?
"Uh yeah..."
Then why didn't you tell me.
"Like I said earlier...I was scared... I didn't want to lose you, I'm sorry..." ; I don't think I can stay mad at Haru anymore, he just looks so cute like this. I guess I still need to learn self control. I calmly walk over to him and give him the biggest hug possible. ;"HARU FROM TODAY ONWARDS YOUR MINE....; I can feel myself crying again.. ;"SO NO MORE HIDING THINGS FROM ME...IF YOUR SAD TELL ME BECAUSE I WILL ALWAYS DO MY BEST TO KEEP YOU HAPPY! ; Haru looks up at me with a little smile, still being held in my arms.
"Okay."

Authors note:
Hopefully for the few people who actually read my books, you all  enjoyed this. It would mean so much to me if  you did :))) also I might edit the first part a bit but haven't decided yet, but for now I'm tired af and going to bed XD

I also dedicate this part to andieekun because...you know...we both like Yaoi X'D and no one can say that's not a good enough reason XD