A Junkie's Journal

Four

edited (10.22.16)
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Tristan was scrolling through Instagram. He saw a picture that one of his friends, Jordan, posted - Jordan talked about how he was done, how he couldn't take it anymore. Jordan also said that the note wasn't a suicide note, and that no one should call the police.
Tristan sat and thought for a second. If he posted a suicide note on Instagram, he would have said the exact same thing as his friend said. He texted his friend and waited for a few minutes; he got no reply. Alarmed, Tristan called a suicide hotline and told them about his friend. He gave the hotline his friend's phone number, and the person on the phone figured out Jordan's address.
After the call, Tristan's friend texted him back. Apparently, Tristan shouldn't have been worried about Jordan because he was completely fine. The two argued over text for a few minutes.
Tristan's friend told him that they couldn't be friends anymore. What Tristan did was unforgivable to Jordan. Tristan was just worried, and apparently, being worried was a mistake.
In the past, Tristan and Jordan were best friends. They talked every day, and never got tired of each other. After being friends for a few months, they decided to take their friendship to the next level. They dated for a few days, and then Jordan broke up with him.
Tristan couldn't handle losing Jordan. He had several panic attacks - he even tried stabbing himself. He had lost his best friend, the one he could tell everything.
Recently, the two had started talking again. They had both been missing each other. By calling the suicide hotline, Tristan ruined the friendship.
Tristan couldn't handle losing his friend for the second time. He went to his room, barricaded his door, and started crying. He screamed and sobbed over the loss. Frustrated with himself, he punched a few holes and broke the piece of drywall his father gave him. Afterwards, he dissociated; this wasn't real, this wasn't happening to him.
Tristan heard from a different friend a few minutes later who told him that Jordan was alive and well. He was glad that his friend was okay, but he knew that they'd never be friends again.
He didn't understand. Why was Jordan angry with him? Everyone was telling Tristan that he did the right thing, but if he hadn't called the hotline, Jordan would've been fine. He ruined a friendship that he thought he needed in his life.
When people left Tristan's life, it was usually their choice. They got tired of him so they stopped talking to him. Everyone left, no one stayed. That's how it would be for the rest of his life, so why try?