Hate that I love you

ii

Christmas break ended in the blink of an eye and Camila, once again, finds herself walking down the hallways with her head hung low and her hands wrapped securely around the straps of her bag.

Lauren had eventually given up with her attempts of persuading the girl to come to that party Last January 1 (although, Camila was so close in giving in upon seeing that look on her face, Lauren did before she could). So, Camila spent her New Year in her own solitary with her head wrapped around a book and music blasting on her headphones to try to block out the noises from outside. Camila had wondered if Lauren got her New year's kiss, too, but thinking about someone else's lips on Lauren's wasn't something she wanted to dwell on.

Today was the day her parents were coming home and Despite the fact that Camila sort of dreaded it, she at least wanted to know that they were safe from their flights. She loved them, even if they didn't, Even if they acted as if she was some sort of a mistake to them at times, even if they were rarely home to play the role of a loving mother and a father or to show that they care about her — she still loved them.

Camila wished to be the perfect daughter, the perfect daughter her parents would believe her to be, the facade that she worked so hard on to put up.

she was anything but.

It was tiring. Pretending to be someone she isn't for years was certainly exhausting and by the looks of it, she was far from escaping this. Camila believed that her parents would pay more attention to her if she'd do as they say, but she was miserably proven wrong as time passes by.

They never really did.

But that didn't change the fact that Camila was still trying.

She failed to embed the fact in her brain that pleasing others to please yourself was never the go to. Because It seemed to be that she was living a life trying to please others, rather than doing what she thinks that makes her happy.

(Besides, if Camila wasn't in her parent's good side, God knows what could happen to her. She'd probably end up in the streets.)

So Camila doesn't dwell on the fact that she's not happy. She doesn't thinking about how she likes girls. How they believed it to be wrong. Camila tries not to make such a big deal about her sexuality, even if it is. She doesn't think about how much she was struggling with it. She only thinks about what her parents might think if they find out — if anyone at all finds out for that matter.

Camila tries not to think too much about Lauren, too, but frankly, it was so much easier said than done — Lauren and her heart wasn't cooperating with her brain either.

Everything Lauren does, everything about her, Camila couldn't help but admire. The fact that Lauren was so affectionate with basically every person she was close with, which Camila happened to be one of them; with her tight lovable hugs and kisses on the cheeks and on her head (literally everywhere else on her face other than her lips) and God, her cuddles surely didn't help with her feelings towards her.

Camila tries to cheer herself up, tells herself that this was her last year of high school and sooner or later, she'd be in one of the school's she applied in, which was all out of town and miles away from here (she would've applied for the schools here in Miami, Florida too, but her parents never settled for mediocre).

And perhaps, Camila would use her time there to try to get over Lauren, as well. She'd miss her, of course, probably end up feeling miserable and alone, because she'd grown accustomed to Lauren being there with her almost 24/7, but Lauren would never feel the same way and Camila thought it would be better to give herself some space from her and try to move on — which now that she thinks about it, was stupid, because she was so far up Lauren's ass and would practically die for her