Promises

Oh no...

An hour after apologies and getting stories straight, Hayes and I decided to have a relaxing, stress free day. We were thinking of having a movie day and then watch some YouTube videos and just all sorts of crazy stuff. (Oh I see 😉👅 omfg I'm kitting wth 😂) While I looked for a movie, Hayes was getting some popcorn. Well, I guess he was looking for the popcorn because two seconds later, he was calling my name. "Ash!" He said stretching my name out. "Hayes!" I mimicked him. "Can you get the popcorn I can't find it!" He whined. I didn't respond but just laughed at how frustrated he was over popcorn. He came to the living room and walked towards me. "Please!" He dropped to the floor like a six year old begging their mom to buy them a toy they saw in isle 6. I laughed at him shaking my head. He got on his knees in front of the couch and looked up at me with big eyes. "Please?" I laughed at him. "Hey Ash, guess what." I looked down at him. "I love you." He said with a hopeful grin. He got up on his feet and grabbed my forearm and tried to yank me up. Little did he know, I was holding on the couch like my life depended on it. Ouch! Oh shit. I winced in pain as he yanked at my forearm. I guess he noticed as his eyes shifted from happy to worried. Oh no... "Uh...hahahaha!" I laughed trying to cover up my previous action. I looked at my arms and saw the sleeves lifting up a little and tried to pull it down. "Wow it's uhm getting a little late Hayes, why don't you just pick some other snacks besides popcorn yea?" I chuckled. He did nothing but stay silent. I pulled my sleeves down a little as he continued to hold my arms. "Ash," he began. I looked at him in response to yes. "Pull up your sleeve." He said, almost in a quiet voice. I knew that if I tried to question his demand and fight back, I would loose and still end up pulling up my sleeve for him. He let go of my arms and I slowly pulled up my left sleeve. I kept my head down as he looked over my wrists. "Ash..." A tear escaped my eye. "why?" He lifted my chin up with his two fingers looking me in the eye. "Everything's so hard Hayes!" I shouted but didn't mean to. "I break if I try to keep my shit  together for too long! I hate my life! I hate myself! All I do is just fuck things up! I'm just a mistake! A hopeless, useless, worthless, mistake!" I sobbed while my head was in my hands. "You're none of those things. You're the exact opposite. You're beautiful, funny, you have the most amazing personality ever, and you keep me happy. I'm here for you. You can cry, you can shout, you can throw things, you can't hit me for all I care, but don't you ever hurt yourself again. It's gonna be okay Ash. I'm here." He said quietly as he sat in front of me and pulled me into his chest. I did nothing but sob and sob and sob and feel like I was just another problem to weigh him down. He let go and got up. He turned the tv off, locked the doors, and picked me up. He walked up the stairs and went to his room. We laid down on the bed and I faced him. "I love you Ash. I don't want to see you do this to yourself. I can't loose you. You're my best friend. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have you in my life to keep me happy. Everyday, it's you that makes me stay happy and positive. Because I knew, from the day we walked down those halls together while I gave you a tour, I knew that nothing could ever be so bad, because I have you." He said with a few tears falling. I wiped them away with the back of my hand as he cupped my face and kissed me passionately, holding onto my face like I was gonna be taken away from him. We pulled apart. "I love you Hayes. Thank you for everything you do for me. Making me smile, making me happy, laugh, stay positive. I love you so so much Hayes, you don't understand how much you mean to me." He wiped away my tears and kissed my forehead. He pulled me close as my head dug into his chest. "I love you more Ash." He whispered. Those were the last words I heard before falling into a deep sleep. This is what I needed. I didn't need to have a movie night with Hayes just to get away. I didn't need games and videos. I just need Hayes. All I need is Hayes. He's my getaway.