Awkward Rambles of a Meme-Loving Girl

I need help (kinda not really its not super urgent)

So okay there was a period of time when I would say to myself "I wanna kill myself" or "I'm going to kill myself" at least once a day. Please note the fact that I didn't actually want either of those things to happen. I just idk I just said them. But eventually I stopped saying those things (I don't know what made me stop saying them it just kinda happened) and I was actually really really happy. Lately (like the last few weeks or maybe just this week idk) it has come back and I've started saying them again and I feel shittier every day and I keep saying them and every time I say them I immediately stop what I'm doing and just yell at myself like no you don't want to kill yourself what are you talking about? like you want to live as long as you can okay?? okay now that we've established that please don't say that again. And then I'll say it again like an hour later and the cycle repeats. I was wondering if there was a way to stop saying them without just yelling at myself because I don't want negativity because that's not going to get me anywhere and I know it. Still, please note the fact that I don't ACTUALLY want to kill myself. For some reason I just keep saying I do and I just want to be able to stop saying it