Chapter 1
November 18, 2000
I was 16 years old then, a freshman in college. Everything was new to me. I was the only daughter, my father died when I was 12 years old. Now, it’s just me and mom. Well, most of the time it’s just me. Since father died, mom was never the woman she used to be. She started dating again. I lost count on how many men she had introduced to me. I hated her for it. I felt she was betraying father. One night after coming back from school I found her sitting on the kitchen floor crying her heart out. I was so used to these scenes already. And even if I do not agree on her decisions, I still loved my mother so I found myself sitting beside her.
“Mom, stop doing this. You’re just hurting yourself . . . and it’s hurting me too.”
She looks me in the eyes and smiled. I remember how her eyes seem to suddenly brighten. She told me in a shaky voice,
“Jane, I’m so stupid. I went looking for someone to love me just like how your father did. But that kind of love only comes once in your life. ”
I should have listened to mom. I should have memorized those words. But I did not. And it turned out ugly: because in the future, I became more stupid than her.
After that night, mom changed. She stopped dating instead mom became workaholic, I don’t blame her. It was her way of forgetting. It was better than her having different boyfriend so I did not object. I, on the other hand started becoming the girl my father would never be proud of. I became a drug addict. It started from drinking alcohol to smoking marijuana to doing painkillers, and then cocaine.
“Hey. Don’t be greedy. Leave some for me too.”
My best friend, the only friend I had actually, shouted. Her name was Rain Xavier. Her father is in jail for murder and drugs while her mother was a well known drug pusher in the neighborhood. You could say she did not have a perfect family. She was already way too high from the cocaine, I could tell because her eyes where bulging red already and she was getting too excited and jumpy. I was already on the edge as well, maybe even worse than her. I felt energy pulsing in my veins and my heart beat crazily strong and fast. I wanted to vomit. We were on the back of a bar. I think I was too intoxicated. I can feel my head getting heavy. The last thing I remembered was Rain saying,
“Hey Jane, you look like you’re dying.”
And I wanted to tell her that, I think I was really dying. But all I saw next was darkness.
The first thing I realized as I regained consciousness was the nagging pain in my body and in my head. It was like I was having an extremely bad case of hangover. I was also aware of the strong feeling of thirst. My throat felt like it was burning. I slowly opened my eyes. I gazed around my surroundings and after a few minutes, I was fully aware that I was lying in a hospital bed and that I was completely alone. Maybe it was because of the physical pain or the almost unbearable thirst that I started to cry. Not just sobbing but frantic cries. I was shaking violently. I can’t be sure how long I cried until I heard the sound of the opening door.
“Oh dear, your awake already. How are you? Do you feel any pain?”
It was an elderly nurse in a clean white uniform. I found it extremely hard to answer because my throat did hurt and so I nodded towards her. She seem to understand the fact that I am not capable yet of speaking. She started walking towards the door and said:
“I’ll go and get the doctor. You stay right there.”
When I was sure that she left already, I wiped my eyes to hide the fact that I was crying. Just a few minutes after, the elderly nurse came back with a rather handsome doctor in his early 40’s. He smiled towards me and started examining my heart rate; temperature and he also gently touch my left arm which was pretty sore. I wonder what happened to my arm. As if reading my thoughts the handsome doctor answered me.
“You fell badly on your left arm when you lost consciousness. This surely would bruise. You’re lucky you don’t have any concussions and that you were rushed immediately to the hospital before the drugs penetrated your brain system.”
I was shocked to hear from his lips the words “drugs”. I could feel my face getting hotter and redder.
“You . . . know?”
“Of course dear, we needed to detoxicate you and get the drugs out your system. You overdosed dear.”
I can’t speak. I feel ashamed but at the same time I felt fear rushing into me. After a while,
“Where’s my mom?”
I definitely don’t want her to know about the drugs. She will kill me.
“We tried calling her but sadly she can’t be contacted. Do you have any family we can inform?”
I can see the calmness in his brown eyes, but just for a while I saw pity flash in them. And I wanted to cry out like a baby. I knew the thought in his mind. He did not have to say, it’s the same thought I had. No one cared about me. I had no one. I bent my head and blinked furiously; trying to hold back the tears that were threatening to erupt.
“I think I’d like to go to sleep”
I whispered in a hoarse voice. They understood and silently left. I was crying. I can feel my body shaking and I can hear the weird sound coming from me. I was trying to catch my breath and the searing pain in my chest was overwhelming. I saw outside the window of my room the lights of the city. I had no one, I kept repeating to myself. And for the first time since my father died, I prayed to a God whom I hated and cursed every single day.
--And that my friends, is the start of it all. Please do stick around. Give this story a chance. Dedicated to Lance for being a kind wattpad friend. And for lending a helping hand to a novice like me. (wink!)
