Human Nature

Chapter 52

June 2nd, 1993

Michael ran to Mariah's side and took her into his arms. 

"No,baby. No. " He shook his head. "There's nothing to be sorry for."

His hand went to her stomach and she flinched away, but not before he could notice that it was smaller than before. He was beginning to realize what had happened, but a part of him still hoped he was wrong. 

Mariah sobbed into his chest. "I'm sorry. I should've l-listened to you, I-I killed him."

Her words landed on his chest like bricks. She had miscarried their son.

"No, you didn't." He whispered. "It's not your fault."

"It's my fault. I was working too hard and you tried to tell me, but I didn't listen." 

He rocked her slightly. "It's not your fault. Not your fault."

She continued to sob and he felt a sense of emptiness. Yesterday, he had a son and now he didn't. He could never bring himself to blame Mariah for it, but he wondered what had caused her to lose the baby.

"Baby, look at me." He gripped her shoulders gently and lifted her chin. "It's not your fault. I want you to know that, this isn't your fault."

She sniffled quietly. "Yes it is, there was something-"

"No," He shook his head. "Some things are inevitable, Mimi. I want you to know, this isn't your fault and we're here for you. The family is here for you, I'm here for you. We're going to get through this together. Okay?"

She nodded weakly. "O-okay."

He pulled her back into his arms. "I love you, okay? I love you and I'm going to be here every step of the way."

June 3rd, 1993

Everything felt cold and silent, metallic even. It was four AM and Mariah was lying wide awake, Michael's arms gripped firmly around her waist. Normally, she would have felt comforted and safe in his embrace, but even he felt far away to her. She felt as though she were in free-fall and every time her hand went to her receding stomach she felt sick and empty. 

She had been lying in bed while Janet was in the kitchen getting something to eat when she felt something sticky running down her leg, only to find that it had been blood. Janet hadn't taken long to run to her bedroom from the kitchen, but at that point every thing around her seemed to be moving in slow motion. Once in the hospital, the doctor told her that there was nothing they could do, that she was losing her child.  So she lay there as her son's life slipped away before it had even begun, the doctor finished the process, using a tube to suck whatever was left out of her and her heart with it. 

Janet had been a silent source of support, holding her hand as Mariah watched the doctor do his work. The doctor then gave his condolences, though he seemed to be mocking her as he did. She managed to keep from crying until she saw Michael. He had come into the room, flushed from running and she had been compelled to apologize for losing his son. He had been so excited to be a father and she had failed him. 

She had almost expected him to be angry, to blame her for not being more careful like she blamed herself, but he had pulled her into his arms and told her she wasn't to blame. Now he was clinging to her as if he needed her when in fact she needed him. She felt like she would lose him to someone else, that he would stray away from her rather than outright blame her. He knew it was her fault, but he would never say it. 

She hadn't realized that Michael had actually woken up until he wiped tears from her eyes that she hadn't realized had fallen. His touch felt cold as ice and the kiss he placed on her temple seemed to tell lies of his feelings, there was no way he could possibly still love her.

"Do you want to talk?" He asked, voice thick with sleep.

He sat up and pulled her into his arms. "I'm all ears, whatever you want to talk about."

She looked up at his benevolent brown eyes and felt more disgusted with herself. "Why are you being like this?"

"Like what?" He arched an eyebrow.

She sighed. "Kind, loving. Why?"

He seemed confused. "Why wouldn't I? I'm not going to be mad at you over something no one could control."

She felt herself shaking and he rubbed her arms in an attempt to comfort her.

"Why do you still love me?" She asked.

Michael's eye widened. "You didn't think that I'd stop, did you?"

"I-I don't know. I don't feel like myself, nothing feels real." She whispered.

He held her tighter. "Nothing is going to change the fact that I love you. Even if you could never get pregnant again, I'd still love you."

"You wanted to be a father so bad-"

"And so what? This wasn't your fault and nothing will make me believe that it was your fault." 

She stopped, failing to understand him or herself for that matter. Reason seemed to evade her, leaving her relying on emotions. She felt vulnerable and weak, not only physically. 

"Mimi," He held her hand. "I'm not leaving, okay? I'm going to be here with you. I've taken off rehearsals for the next month so I can be with you."

His voice seemed muffled, distant. She laid her head on his chest, craving comfort but she could find none in his arms. His touch seemed foreign, his words indistinct. He almost seemed unreal, but she found herself clinging to him to avoid feeling alone, yet she still felt isolated. It was almost as if they were on two separate planets, he would never be able to understand the sense of failure that she felt.

Mariah noticed that after a while Michael had dozed back off, still holding her closely. She glanced at the clock, realizing it was six in the morning and she hadn't slept at all that night. She eased her way out of his arms and sat by the window, pad in hand and began to write. She had nothing in mind, she just wanted to write to ease her suffering, though the pen trembled in her hand and she watched Michael sleeping peaceful, cursing him for his easy conscious. 

Looking down, she had only written one sentence before giving up and climbing back in the bed with Michael.

June 3rd, 1993

Michael woke up to the phone ringing, Mariah sleeping like a rock beside him. 

"Hello?" He whispered, careful not to disturb her.

"Michael, where's Mariah?"

It was Tommy.

"She's sleeping right now. She lost the baby yesterday and I don't think she should be working for a little while, she needs some time." Michael said.

"Oh," Tommy was quiet. "Well, I'm sorry for your loss. I'll be pushing the album back then if you think that's best for you."

Michael sighed. "Thank you. I'll have Mariah call you in a few days."

"Take as much time as you two need. My condolences, again."

Michael hung up the phone and Mariah was watching him, though she didn't speak.

"That was Tommy."

She nodded. "I know, why are you being so nice to me?"

"Nice to you? Mariah, you're my fiance. If I wasn't treating you right, I'd have to kick my own ass. Janet and Marlon are coming over later. Are you going to want to talk or are you going to stay up here?"

She laid her head back on his chest. "Sure, I'll be okay to come down and hang out."

"Good. And one more thing."

She looked up. "What?"

He gave her a peck on the lips. "I love you."

Shout out to NicsLilSis, AmethystHazelEyes, DestiniGravely17 for voting/commenting last chapter.