Heart of the Sea

Chapter 18 - Desperate Measures

Killian sighed as he straightened, waiting a moment or two before going back down the stairs and taking a seat by Emma on the couch. He stared up the stairs, at the door where she was hiding. She was going to come down. He knew it. His ringed hand rested on his bouncing knee. It stilled when Emma's hand gently wrapped around his wrist, catching his attention. He looked over at her and she smiled a little.
"She'll come down. I know it," he murmured. She had to. He hoped she would. He sincerely did.

They waited five minutes.

It was nearing ten before David sighed.
Killian's eyes flicked to him, hardening at the doubt and disappointment before returning to the door. He would not give up. She would come out and she would come down the stairs and speak to them before she touched the rum. He knew she would.

Two minutes later Snow got up to go to the kitchen.

A door creaked. Soft footsteps.
A grin lit up Killian's face, and he looked at Emma for a moment. He knew it. He did his best to wipe the smile off of his face, as this was actually going to be a serious conversation, but..she'd done it.
Lili padded softly down the stairs, getting a hand stuck in her thick curls, her fingers working themselves out of it as she took a deep breath, standing before the coffeetable, her hand gripping her forearm behind her back. Killian was struck by the image, remembering a smaller version of her in relatively the same position, everyone standing in a line as he threatened the culprit, hoping threats would make him show his face and own up to his crime.
Lili shifted on her feet and cleared her throat. "Um..I would..I would like to apologize for my actions. It was.." she sighed, trying to find the right words as she stared at her feet before she looked up, eyes latching onto Henry's. "Lad you..you know I didn't..I didn't mean to hurt you, right? I wo-I would never, ever hurt you on purpose. You know that right?" (She cursed herself in her mind. She shouldn't be this bloody open. She'd already decided this wasn't going to happen, it wasn't going to work it-)
Henry nodded. "Yeah, I know."
He was surprisingly unfazed.
She arched an eyebrow. "Lad, I was about to kill you. You do..realize that, right?"
"Yeah. Worse has happened."
Her other eyebrow rose and joined the other. "I.." She didn't know how to express it. This..this shouldn't be....this easy? This way? He shouldn't be so accepting.
Henry smiled. "Lili, it's okay. I get it. It was a reflex. I forgive you."
......."You..." Bloody..what? What was going on?? She should be yelled at, she should be sentenced or, something. Not forgiven. This act didn't deserve mercy. She nearly jumped when he put a hand on her arm.
"Lili."
"I don't understand." It had just sort of come out. A slip of the tongue.
Henry grinned.
(Why the hell was he so happy??)
"Good."
Her brow furrowed.
"Good, what..what the hell-"
"It's what us hero-types call mercy. It's what happens when somebody doesn't get what they deserve, and get kindness instead."
"But..why?"
(Killian's heart cracked.)
Henry grinned. "I'll let you figure that out on your own." He shouldered his backpack before heading to the door. "Mom, do you wanna take me to Regina's?"
"Um..yeah, sure, kid. We'll...see you guys later." Emma took her keys and exchanged cheek-kisses with Killian before going to the door.

David and Snow retired to the kitchen, and the Joneses sat on the couch. Lili's elbows rested on her knees as she tried to grasp what the hell had prompted Henry to do what he'd done. Finally she looked over at Killian. "Captain I don't understand," she said quietly.
Killian swallowed before he looked at her.
"Why isn't anyone angry at me? I don't.." she shook her head.
"Well, we could tell Regina if that'd make you feel better," he suggested, and she laughed nervously.
"It'd probably be best if we didn't eh?" she returned.
Killian nodded, smiling for a moment before he sighed. "Mercy is.." he blew out another breath, trying to think of a way to explain that she would understand. "Mercy is not seeking the Dark One ahfter his return, ahfter what he's done. Mercy is at least letting go, if not giving something better."
Lili's brow furrowed, and she was quiet for a few moments. "But I nearly killed the boy."
It made Killian's heart beat more hopefully, to see in her eyes then how much she cared for the lad. How there was genuine regret.
"And he decided to show you mercy." Killian paused. "He's done as he liked. What matters now is wot you decide to do, lass. How you will react."
Lili blinked a few times at him before she looked at the floor.
Killian smiled a little at the puzzled expression on her face. "I'll let you think about it." His hook brushed over her shoulder as he got up and went into the kitchen to talk quietly with David and Mary Margaret while Lili mulled it over, trying to figure out what the hell she was going to do.

After about another hour, Killian came back into the living room. "You gonna be alright, lass?" he asked.
She looked up, coming out of her thoughts. "Yeah, I think."
"Would you like me to stay?"
She shook her head. "Nah. I need some time t'meself."
He nodded. "Alright. I'll see you tomorrow."
"Alright."
Killian left, and Lili went back to her thinking, one hand folded over her other fist as her chin rested atop them, elbows on her knees.

David and Snow bustled about, getting ready for bed, putting Neal down for the night, noting the pirate's vacant expression. The two of them had been caught up in their own thoughts this evening, Lili's actions a catalyst. At first his paternal instincts had risen up, but..the look on her face afterward..the confusion when Henry had shown her mercy struck David's heart. He could see the same had happened to Snow when she looked at him, eyes full of pity. A little shame for giving up so quickly. David sighed as he changed into his pajama pants and t-shirt. "Lili, we're going to bed," he said quietly after turning out the lights in the kitchen.
Lili looked at him after a moment, being drawn out of her thoughts, head rising a little. "Alright lad. I hope you get some good sleep." She offered a small smile that didn't reach her eyes.
(He saw her desperately trying to pull things together, to find her way.)
He returned it. "You too." His voice was soft and genuine.
Lili cleared her throat. "Thanks, mate."
He nodded, going to bed.

She couldn't wait until tomorrow. A new day. A new start.

Lili turned out the last light before going back to sit on the couch once more, assuming her former position. She sighed. This was a bloody mess. Her mind went back over the events. Nightmare. Headlock. Breaking in the closet. The talk. Henry. Mercy. (She skipped over that part rather quickly, not wanting to dwell on what it might mean.) (He cared.) (Shut up.) She sighed, a bit exasperated. She needed to figure out what she was going to do. Despite her earlier resolution, she knew she couldn't fully embrace who she was. That included being a drunkard, and..being a drunkard led to death. It meant dependence on something that would only grow until it consumed her and it was all she was. A lump of a person craving golden poison. A few nights a week without its aid surely wouldn't harm anything. (But the nightmares.)

Perhaps..one night alone with them, another..? Once..once in a while, being woken from them, it couldn't hurt. Surely not. After all, it would just be a shaking of the arm, a glance into blue eyes, "I'm fine," turn over, go back to sleep. (It wouldn't be that simple. She knew it wouldn't. But she managed to convince herself for the sake of it that it would be.) It couldn't be too bad. And it would make the rum last longer. It would keep her sane (more than likely), and there wouldn't be another accident (probably).
Lili let out one last sigh, content with her plan. That done, she crept up the stairs, gently removing the bottles from the paper bag before padding back down, setting the bottles down on the couch. She threw the paper bag away before going back to the couch, slipping one bottle beneath it, holding the other between her legs as she carefully worked the cork free with her fingers, the little pop making her heart jump in her chest. Ignoring her increasing pulse, Lili slowly raised the bottle, glass cool against her lips. After a moment's hesitation, she closed her eyes and tipped the bottle, savoring the burn of the alcohol against her throat, the spicy tingle on her tongue. She set the bottle down on her leg, letting out a breath as she felt it washing down to fill her stomach, warming her thoroughly. She took another long pull from the bottle, feeling it make her a little light-headed, lifting her spirits. She glanced at the contents. She'd need to stop soon. Half a bottle would do. She savored her next few sips before deciding to be done with it. She needed sleep. She tipped her head back, a bit more of the amber liquid disappearing down her throat before she righted the bottle and put the cork in it, swirling it about a bit in the moonlight, watching it settle. About half a bottle, maybe a little less. She slipped it beneath the bed and stood up, going to the bathroom rather slowly and carefully. 
She went back to the couch and took her time, sitting down before lying down (must be careful), pulling the quilt up over herself before shifting a little, nestling her head into the pillow, smacking her lips for one last taste. Time to sleep.

_______

Hey guys! Again, sorry for the big break! Hope the closure helps a bit. :) Thanks so much for reading and please don't forget to comment and vote. Hope you have an amazing rest of the day!

Le Chels