Us Against The Law (Kellic) (boyxboy)

Instincts

A/N: There are 14 chapters left! >:3 things are a little slow, I know, but in the next two chapters or so, things start to pick up cx

I haven't been having the best week. I wish I was just sick, but I know what all of these feelings and morning sickness were coming from.

Yesterday, I had come to terms with the fact that I was pregnant. It's been roughly two weeks since Vic's and I's little closet session, and this whole morning sickness had started up a while ago. I haven't let anyone know that I'm pregnant, of course.

I wasn't sure how to tell anyone, who I should tell, what to do. I was scared out of my mind. I wasn't used to feeling so afraid. There was this little lump of cells, this little life growing inside of my body. And I was afraid.

I was sat at my bunk, watching Austin toss in his sleep. It was really hot in here, I don't know if it was just me or not, but it was hot. Everyone was asleep, and I was here sitting up on my bed with my knees to my chest, crying silently. I was so scared to tell Vic. Just the other day, he had come to me and said,

"What did I tell you? You're not pregnant, you're fine, darling."

It just made me feel so horrible because I knew that I was keeping this from him. I'm going to be a dad. We're going to be dads. If anyone finds out it was him who got me pregnant, he'd be put in prison, I still wouldn't be out of prison, and my baby would be taken away from me, given to somebody else who I wouldn't fucking know and I didn't want any of that fucking shit!

I used to want a big family. Back when I was with Matty, I always found myself wanting to have kids, I had planned that I'd grow up to be famous and marry the man of my dreams, I'd graduate high school and be this happy kid who didn't ever want to grow up. I could leave the dumb town I lived in and travel big, spend my life chasing the big things, living wild, living free, finding my people, and just being fucking crazy.

Then I'd settle down, have this big family and a loving husband.

I had dreams.

I wasn't gonna be this fucking hard ass who was afraid of falling in love, afraid of fucking up again, afraid of letting people down, afraid of everything and always having to be brave. I was tired of it, tired of trying to act like being in here didn't affect me. I was tired of prancing around here like I was a top dog, hoping people feared me so I wouldn't have to fear them. I hated everything about being in here. I hated that the only thing I've seen in five years is grey walls, tattooed thugs, wired fences, a field that's lost it's green grass and turned it yellow, and I guess what I really hate is not having any freedom.

But I guess that was my fault.

•-•

It was getting harder and harder to act all tough. I had to get out of two fights, and somehow still let everyone know that I was the man here. My boys took care of it, and I couldn't be more thankful. They all knew something was up though, I never turned down a good fight. And so, here I was, about to tell someone I could trust, about my pregnancy.

"Okay, so...you can't say anything to anyone, fucking promise me."

"Kellin, who do you think I am? You can trust me. I'm sure it's not so bad." Jack smiled, hitting my shoulder playfully. I didn't smile back, I was debating wether or not I should back out of this. But I needed help.

"I'm pregnant." I muttered. Jack looked at me and a smile slowly rose to his face.

"That's funny Kell, seriously though, what's up?"

"I'm not fucking kidding, Jack!" I yelled, standing up. "I didn't use a fucking condom and now I'm fucking pregnant."

Saying it out loud had me in a panic. I shouldn't have told him, fuck.

"It was that fucking guard, wasn't it? Fuck! Kellin, what the fuck?! How could you be so stupid?!" Jack yelled at me. Usually my first instinct would be to yell back, get angry, hit him or something, but this time I only flinched, and held my stomach protectively.

"I wasn't gonna hit you." Jack sighed. He looked down at my stomach. I felt so fucking weak right now, I didn't like it. I didn't care though, I wanted this baby to be okay. It was like I suddenly had these 'mama bear' instincts. I already knew killing this baby wouldn't be an option. I just couldn't do that...this is a part of me and I didn't want to take away it's chance at life.

Jack frowned and made me sit with him again.

"So you're keeping it?" Jack asked. I nodded, hating that that option felt so bad.

"I haven't told Vic." I whispered. I kept my hands on my stomach, afraid of exposing it. Now that I told someone, I kind of felt like anyone could see it and know.

"How long have you known?"

"About a while now...only recently accepting it. But I think I'm gonna tell Vic today." I answered. "I figure, I need to tell him before I start walking around with a round belly." I laughed, nervously.

"Yea, man, that things gonna get huge." Jack laughed back. "Dads gonna be pissed though."

"Ugh, don't even remind me. I think I'm more afraid of telling him than Vic."

"Good luck."

I nodded, standing up and heading over to the power box out by the shed. I needed to leave him a note.

Meet me in our closet. Xoxo
-You know who

I skipped out on a drawing this time, and left it there before heading to the janitors closet.

Waiting in there felt like an eternity. I was seriously on the verge of crying, jut thinking that Vic would hate me, that he'd leave me, that I'd lose someone I loved again. But this wasn't just my fault, it wasn't. It was his too.

I had been facing the wall when I heard the door open behind me. I didn't want to look at him.

"Hey baby." Vic whispered. He wrapped his arms around my waist, holding me from behind. I smiled, but tears threatened to spill over.

"We need to talk." I whispered. "Just...p-please don't hate me." And I finally let it out. I let the tears fall and I let myself cry. He turned me around, my breaths were uneven and quick, but he kissed me, giving me a warm hug in attempt to calm me down. He had only seen me like this once and now it was happening again.

"Hey, hey, what happened? I'm not ever gonna hate you. That's impossible." Vic smiled.

"But you're gonna be so mad a-at me..." He didn't say anything. He just looked at me. "I'm...pregnant, Vic. I-I wanted to tell you before but I-I was so sc-scared...I'm so sorry. I don't want y-you to hate me. I want to have th-this baby, a-and I w-ant you to be he-here."

He frowned, his face full of worry, but he wrapped his arms around me anyway, and kissed my cheek.

"I'm here."

A/N: Sensitive Kellin isn't as fun to write. Bad ass Kellin won't be back for a while.

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Hey, this chapter is actually here early in the day for once.