Phase

Old Friend

Playing guitar seemed to have some sort of deeper meaning for me now. Every time my hands touched the strings I would get flashbacks to teaching Alex. The feeling of positioning her fingers on the fret board, the intimacy of putting my arm around her, guiding her hand- it all made my heart beat faster.
That's what I was doing- strumming on the strings, humming softly- when mom knocked on my bedroom door. I stopped playing and sat it aside.
"Your friend Jacob's calling," she told me, holding out the phone.
"Oh, cool," I took it off her, "Hey Jake, how's life?"
"Good, good," he replied, "I just had a lovely conversation with your mom about how to make cookies that are chewy but not raw."
"Oh, sorry," I laughed.
"Nah, I've missed Rita," he said.
"How're things at your new school?" I asked.
"Good. They don't yell at me for being shit at Phys. Ed so that's something. How are you? Made any new friends yet?"
"Yeah... sort of," I smiled.
"Cool... wait, what does 'sort of' mean?"
"Oh, nothing."
"You're dating someone, aren't you?"
"No!" I said truthfully; I didn't think Alex and I were exactly dating yet.
"Well you like someone. Or you're flirting. I know you, you're shit at lying."
I shook my head, laughing.
"Come on, who's the guy?"
That question jarred in my brain. It sounded so wrong. I had almost forgotten that everyone thought I was straight. It felt unnatural to hear myself portrayed like that- I knew it wasn't who I was anymore.
I made a sudden decision, "Jake, I have to tell you something."
"Oh, okay, shoot."
"Uh... this is awkward," I took a deep breath, "there's definitely no guy. And... I don't think there ever will be. Uh... I'm gay."
I waited. Had I made the wrong decision by telling him? My heart was pounding.
"Oh," he said eventually, "I kind of always thought you were."
I breathed a sigh of relief, "really?"
"Yeah," he said, "I'm proud of you for telling me... wait... but was I still right about you liking someone?"
"... Maybe," I laughed.
"Really? I was only joking. What's her name?"
"Alex," I was blushing. It felt strange discussing her with someone else, but also nice- liberating, almost.
"Next time we see each other, you're bringing her."
"Oh no... Jake think how awkward that would be," I cringed.
"Don't be stupid," he snorted, "look, there's no way you can properly date someone that I've not interviewed. Some time next week, okay?"
"Fine," I sighed. I was secretly pleased to have an opportunity to show Alex that I wasn't a complete loner.