Phase

Calm

I soon began to calm down, feeling safe in her arms.
"I'm sorry that happened," I said quietly, "I never meant to start yelling and stuff."
"Don't be sorry. We all get like that sometimes," she rubbed my back.
I sighed, "how do you always manage to say so... calm? And not get upset?"
"I don't," she gave a slight chuckle, "but having you near me usually calms me... we can't keep it together all the time, it's just a fact."
"Yeah," I sighed loudly, lying back on my bed, "I wish."
"So don't beat yourself up about it," she flopped back next to me.
I smiled, "thank you for understanding. You're amazing."
"Oh shush," she stroked my hair, then sighed, "Ugh, look how cute you are."
"You shush. I'm... a potato."
She pouted, "a very cute potato..."
I laughed and kissed her on the cheek.
She sighed, twirling a lock of my hair around her finger, "sometimes I miss having long hair to play with. There's something... comforting about it."
"Oh I've always wanted to cut mine," I told her, "I hate my hair."
"Why?" She was still playing with it, "it's pretty. And soft. And it always smells like watermelon."
"It's... thick. And it gets in the way of everything. And it's so wavy and frizzy."
"If you hate it that much you should just cut it... you almost pulled out a handful ten minutes ago, maybe it would stop you doing stuff like that."
My scalp was still tingling from the vicious attack I had made on my head. There were a few strands of hair on my sheets. I picked them up absent mindedly, sighing, "do you ever just wish that you didn't have to exist for a while. You don't want to die, not really. But you just want to put everything on pause for a while and just... stop being."
"Yeah. Maybe everyone does."
"Well I don't feel like that as much anymore. It still comes back every so often, but since I met you... It's like I don't want to miss a moment I could be spending with you."
She smiled, "god, you're adorable."
I leaned against her, sighing.
"By the way," she said, "my dad's want to meet you."
I froze, "they do?"
"Yeah, why wouldn't they?" She laughed.
"Do they know about us?" I wondered.
"Yeah, that's why they wanna meet you, silly," she smiled.
"... they wouldn't tell my mom, would they?" I said nervously.
"Oh no way. They know what it's like. They felt really bad for you when I told them."
"What if they don't like me?" I worried.
"Dude, come on," she gave me a look, "that's not gonna happen."
"I hope not," I sighed, "that would suck."
She shook her head at me, then kissed me on the cheek, "next Sunday?"
"Sure," I nodded, making myself smile, "I look forward to it."