It gets better.. right?

I Wasn't Ready For this

"Mia, Mia"


I'm awakened by the most adorable, sweetest voice ever. I turn my head to see Lola, Mia's 4yr old sister trying to wake Mia up. I can see its not working so I prod Mia in the face and she opens her eyes.


"What?" She's stunned by the sudden awakening.


"Mammy says you have to go up to bedroom now" Lola replies


Mia glances over to me to see if I am awake and replies "oh okay, one sec"


I get up slowly and pick up my blanket, pillow, clothes and bag, slowly dragging them upstairs, into Mia's huge bedroom and dunking myself onto her bed. Falling asleep instantly.


"Hey motherfucker, gimme some space"


I roll over to one side of the bed to give Mia some space and close my eyes. I'm on the verge of an amazing, deep sleep when I suddenly find myself jumping in shock. My phone alarm goes off right in my ear. I am now deaf. I grab my phone and slide to unlock it, turning the alarm off. I close my eyes again and get comfy. Then my phone goes off again, but it's the Miramba ringtone, meaning someone is ringing me. Oh ffs. In that whole moment I'd totally forgotten about what had happened the night before and to be honest, that was the best 10 minutes so far. I slowly reach for my phone again and turn it over. It's Jacob. That cheating ass prick can go call someone else cause this bitch ain't answering, I switch my phone onto silent and lock it.


I force my eyes closed and try to sleep but everything is running through my head. The party. Dancing. Talking. Seeing Jacob cheat on me. As hard as I try I can't get the sick image out of my mind. I open my eyes again and I stare up at the ceiling. Tears seem to just fall from my eyes and drip from my cheeks. Making a little puddle on Mia's pillow. I start to sniffle a little and Mia turns to look at me.


"Are you okay Katie??" Mia asks in her sleepy but shocked morning voice.


"Yeah, I'm fine" I reply back fast as I wipe my tears and turn to face the wall so she can't see my face.


I always thought we'd be together you know? To think forever would be silly but longer than this. He was the first boyfriend I ever had and he was perfect to me. I thought he loved me.. I feel a hand pull my shoulder so I that I lay on my back. It's Mia.


"Are you thinking about last night?" She's questions me again


"Yeh.." I mumble


She leans towards me and gives me a long hug.


"I'm always here to talk to remember, he obviously didn't love you if he could possibly think about sticking his dick into a dirty tramps gaping hole"


This makes me giggle a little and she knows her help has worked.


"Come on, lets get breakfast" she says with a smile and drags the blanket off me


"You're just like my fucking mum, pulling my blankets off me. Dickhead." I shout


"Aha, well get up and I won't act like your mum stupid" she answers.


I kick off the rest of the sheets remaining on my legs and sit up. Just as I do I get another phone call. Pulling a face I look at my phone to expect 'Jacob calling' on it but instead it's my Auntie Margaret.


*PHONE CALL*


Me: 'hello?'


Auntie: 'hey sweetie, where are you???"
(She sounded scared or worried)


Me: "Oh I'm at my friend Mia's house, I slept the night here, why?"


Auntie: "I need you to get home as soon as possible, your mum has something urgent to tell you okay?"


Me: "What? What's wrong?! Should I leave now?? Are you at home???"


Auntie: "Yes, I'm at your home with your mum and Simon. Please come now darling"


Me: "Okay, okay! I'll be there as soon as I can!!"


Auntie: "Alright sweetie, bye"


Me: "Bye"


*END OF CALL*




Mia's looking at me confused and I quickly explain that I need to be home as soon as possible for some reason. I get really worked up about it and start to get my stuff; bumping and knocking things over. I finally get downstairs, give Mia a hug and leave. I get my phone out and text her saying I'll tell her everything once I've found out. I'm so worried, what's happened? I walked home as fast as I could and when I reached my doorstep I burst through. My mum, auntie and brother were all sat silently on the sofa.

"What's wrong??" I question.

"Just sit down love" my mum replies, patting the space on the sofa next to her. I sit beside her slowly.

"You know yesterday how I told you me and Simon were going to the clinic to do my smear test?"

"Yes, why?" I have no clue what a smear test was but it didn't sound good.

"Well, I found out that I have a cancer. In my ovaries"

My heart stopped. All I could do was look up in paralysing shock. My mouth shivered and my hands trembled.

"NO, this can't happen to you. Not MY mum! NO! They've got it WRONG!" I screamed. Tears were streaming down my cheeks. All they could do was sit there and look at me sadly. I jumped over to my mother and put my arms around her as tight as I could. I NEVER wanted to let go. We were both crying at this point and I never wanted to let go of her.

"I know darling, please don't worry. I'm still here. I'm not going yet. I won't let it. I love you so much sweety, remember that okay" She whispers in my ear.

"Me and your mother are going to the doctors again today to do further tests, so try not to worry too much. Simon will be here to comfort you whilst we're away" My auntie tells me.

"Okay" I reply. Holding back my tears.

They get up and leave. For a moment I'm sat completely still, looking over at the wall when tears start to fall. I run up to my bedroom and slam the door. I drop to the floor, drowning in my own tears. I'm screaming. This can't happen to me, why me?? Why have I got to be the failure. Everything goes wrong. I'm not even allowed to have a mum to grow up with. I crawl up to my mirror, crying at myself. Pushing and pulling at my face. Why me. I'm already stupid. I'm not good enough for anybody or anything. Look at me. I grab a wet wipe and wipe away my makeup. Looking into my red, veiny eyes I feel dull.

I have nothing left to live for. Look at this disgusting piece of shit I have for a body and face.

I'm scratching and tugging at my skin. I deserve this pain.

Then I look over at my desk, searching for anything sharp to destroy my skin with. I pick up my sharpener, twisting out the bolt and dropping the razor into my palm. I play with it at first.

Then I drag it accross my thigh. It doesn't even hurt. Each cut I make spills with blood.

Somehow it makes me feel better. Like I've done my punishment.

The tears have stopped and I don't feel any emotion. I just get up and lie on my bed, closing my eyes and falling asleep.

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Sorry for the sad/depressing ending. Things are going to get worse from here. Next chapter 'Monday morning' will be published soon.