Is This Goodbye?

Chapter XI: Heartbreak

It has been a month since the incident in the bathroom with Yoongi and there has been no advancement there. Yoongi has become really distant to Jimin. They barely talk nowadays and he barely touches him when they're on camera and leaving him behind when they're in the dorm.

He's either talking to Jin or clinging onto Namjoon. Jimin's stomach coils everytime he sees his two hyungs cuddling or back hugging each other.
On the rare nights when they are at home and watching a film.

Jimin always ends up either on the hard, cold floor or at the end of the couch, watching the couple cuddling like a young couple on their honeymoon.

Like right now, Yoongi has his long, pale fingers running through Namjoon's newly dyed blonde hair. It made him physically sick.

So just like every other time, he cried. The room was dark, the only source of light was from the television. No one would be able to notice him crying, so he let his tears flow freely, but held his sobs captive. They wracked his chest.

The last straw came when Yoongi whispered into Namjoon's ear and he glanced at Jimin before giggling cutely.

The bile rose in his throat and he lurched forward, running full up to the bathroom and throwing up the contents of his stomach which consisted only an apple, the rest being bile.

It stung his throat. But it was nothing compared to the sting in his eyes. Tears poured freely and he began to wonder when and how he became so weak.

Was it Yoongi constant mixed signals? Or was it Namjoon's clingliness to Yoongi or if it was Akuma taering him down with harsh words. He doesn't know nor does he care anymore. He's just tired.

The leg of his shorts rode up his legs and he counted the numerous wounds and scars. How did 1 scar become 31? When did Jimin become unable to function without hurting himself?

The side of the bath tub suddenly looked appealing as he leans his head against, the drowsiness taking over him.

All these emotions and past events weighed on his mind. Every hug and whispers between Yoongi and Namjoon, all the alone time that they would have; making sure to push Jimin away.

"Jimin fuck off and stop touching me, pervert." He remembers Namjoon shoving him a little when he tried back hugging his hyung, and strutting towards Yoongi instead.

He can still taste bile in his mouth and its perfectly reminiscent of the feeling that came to his heart when two fans had told him earlier that day that he was "fat and ugly, you have to lose weight more oppa~" it was so fucking ironic that they still used honorifics.

What hurt the most was that none of the members had even glanced up towards the comments of the two girls. Jimin had excused himself for the rest of the event, locked up in the bathroom as he played again with his favourite 'toy'. No one came to check on him. Yoongi wouldn't. Instead he opted to make cute gestures towards Namjoon.

That doesn't mean he hates Namjoon. He would never. After all his hard work helping the him and the boys, he actually deserves to get those types of gestures.

Namjoon has that very manly vibe. And Yoongi is bi. So it makes perfect sense that they should end up together. They both have the same interests and many more. They were just simply a match made in heaven.

And Jimin, as broken as he was, should only end up all alone.

He couldn't even put a date to the day BTS stopped being his dream or rather being here with the others stopped being his dream.

He still loves performing. Especially for the fans. He loved the way that he could lose himself in the melody, his heart moving in sync with the pulsing base. No Jimin was in love with this life. He just couldn't stand that Jin was right.

Everyone else had changed and improved on both their looks and talents leaving Jimin behind.

He shifted his body in a more comfortable position and rested his head against the tub.

His eyes slipped shut as he winced at the image of Yoongi holding Namjoon in a lover's embrace.