Forever Second

Epilogue

The water broke against the shore gently, gathering sand and debris in its wake. Above me, the clouds chased each other in a slow race that hid the midday sun from view and threatened rain. A soft wind blew; gently pushing discarded wrappers and cans onwards down the path that wrapped the beach in front of me. The bench I was sitting on as I wrote my thoughts down was old and weathered by the tides, rocking unsteadily as I shifted around trying to get comfortable. Pages from my notebook flapped about in the breeze and I pinned them down, causing my hand to slip and smear the freshly penned ink.

A year ago, if someone had sat me down and told me that by today I’d be settled down in apartment I shared with a boy I was in love with, I would’ve honest to god laughed in their face. I know people say that all the time, but I’d like to believe it’s because no one truly realizes how much a year can really change a person. As I sat writing, it was still hard for me to believe it’s been a year. A year since the alleyway, a year since Dan, a year since the old Autumn had died and been reborn like a phoenix.

Phil and I ended up moving into our own place together, a small one-bedroom apartment not too far from where I sat writing. We left the old apartment to Dan and I’ve heard rumors about what he’s done with the place since then, but neither of us has been back there to confirm for ourselves. We tried hard to remain friends with him. We called him, invited him out; we even tried showing up at his work one day but every time there was an excuse. If we called, he didn’t answer. If we invited him out, he had plans. At work, he was mysteriously out sick and we’d never get past reception to see for ourselves. Eventually we just got tired of the excuses and gave up. I was more upset for Phil then myself. All those years of friendship they had, and it was gone within a day.

We knew he was avoiding us, and I’m sure he had his reasons to, but I wish that he were around to see how much it affected Phil. Still, it’s just one more thing in my own life that’s left unresolved. I don’t know why he brought Cassidy to the apartment that day, or why he kept up with his lie. He had to have known he would be caught when she came over, and maybe that’s what he wanted. Or maybe he just thought he could keep up the act forever, watching as I fell for it each time. Maybe I’ll get to ask him one day, and tell him all about all the things he’s missed since leaving our lives. I know Phil would want him to know.

On the bright side, Cassidy is long gone. A few weeks after we last saw her, her mother fell sick and she left town to be at her side. I know firsthand how that feels, and a part of me—a very small, tiny, microscopic part—felt sorry for her. Dan was crushed, surprisingly, and we heard from Chris and PJ that he locked himself in his apartment for weeks after she left. Most of our information about Dan comes from Chris and PJ these days, though to be honest we’ve been asking about him less and less.

It’s funny the way things work out I guess. Here I was with Phil, happy and in love, while Dan was somewhere out in the world and his red haired beauty he had lied for was miles away. It’s a beautiful sort of irony that you rarely see anymore and I’m thankful that the universe decided to serve up that particular dish of karma.

Although if anything, I’m grateful for him and the journey I’ve taken to get here. I’ve been running since the day my mother and I left my father all those years ago and it’s nice to have my feet firmly planted in one spot for once. That’s one thing I wish my mother were alive to see. That running never gets you anywhere but further and further from yourself. You see, you spend all this time, hopping from place to place and person to person and you convince yourself that they’re the problem you’re running from, when in reality you’re just lying to yourself. It gets to a point where your natural reaction to anything is to leave. You leave and you tell yourself over and over that this time it’ll be different, this time you’ll start new and fresh.