Why?
Why is the world so cruel?
All I wanted was to be gone.
All I wanted was for the world to no longer contain Cailyn Norwell.
But someone "saved" me.
Someone.
I don't know who.
They think they can help me.
Then why don't they set me free?
I've been locked up my entire life.
I've had people hurt me.
I've had people hate me.
They want me to get help.
I won't.
I don't need it.
I need to die.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
"Hello?"
I hear speaking. I hope to hell it's in my head.
"Cailyn? Are you awake?"
I'm not dead. I'm alive. Shit.
"Someone get the doctor in here!"
I open my eyes slowly, and a tear rolls down my cheek. All I wanted was death. Why don't they understand? The doctor walks in, and I don't even look at him.
"Hello, Cailyn. My name is Doctor Johnso-"
"Yeah, yeah I've heard all of this before. I know I attempted. I know I'm on meds. I know I need help. Can I go now?"
The doctor looks startled. He looks at a boy clothed in a gray sweatshirt and black skinny jeans. He's somewhat attractive, but he's not my type. I don't have a type, boys are a waste of my unwanted time.
"Okay. This is Alex Bedroia, and he saved your life. Without him, you'd be dead right now."
Alex rolled his eyes, and waved at me slightly, and I squinted at him.
"Why?" I ask.
"Why what?" He responds.
"Why would you waste your time trying to save someone who doesn't want to be saved? You don't know me, and you don't want to."
The doctor doesn't want to be involved in this conversation, so he leaves, and Alex and I are alone in the room. He runs his fingers through his dirty blonde hair, and looks at me with a clenched jaw.
"I dunno. I just had a feeling. I couldn't sleep, and I went for a walk. Saw you through your window, ran in. I guess I'm some sort of hero now, although I'm pretty sure I was half asleep."
I look at his dark green eyes, and suddenly am enthralled. I don't understand what's going on with my emotions, because I'm getting a feeling that's confusing me. I think I am attracted to Alex.
"Yeah, well, thanks or whatever?"
"No prob." He says, and smiles. His smile makes me rethink everything. Makes me rethink my life. My choices. This boy is changing me, and I don't know how to feel about it.
"Well since you're obviously not leaving anytime soon, you want to get some lunch?" I ask, and then immediately take it back.
"You mean the slop in the cafeteria? Nah, I'm good. How about we sneak out and get some Taco Bell, since you obviously know all about depression and suicide and how to handle it."
I thought he was going to be this shy kid, but he ended up being just like me, and he looks like he's been through everything I have: depression, attempted suicide, anxiety, and quite possibly he lost his parents like me. He put his hand out, and I take it. I trust him with my life as we sneak out of the hospital, and walk to Taco Bell, 40 degrees at 9 o'clock in the morning, with me in a hospital gown. I've got to say, great first date.
For anyone actually reading this- sorry it's so sucky... I guess I was trying to say that she met someone who changed her life. Changed her viewpoints on life? I don't know.
~kel
