Cаnnibal ~ Рhan

Sєvєntєєn

~Phil's POV

Golden rays filled the room. It was late in the evening. The light of day ending wouldn't let me be. My comforting dream floated away with the darkness of my sleep as I forced myself awake. I hissed as I recognized the familiar throbbing in my temples. I hadn't eaten in hours. It was a different kind of ache. Not anything like what I had felt from a hangover. It was duller. No shame had come with it either. The regret of drinking until I couldn't comprehend reality and my memories. My newfound sobriety was heaven compared to the pitiful drunk that I was.

The sadness confronted me suddenly. I needed someone to overpower the thing inside my head. It would tell me all I deserved to be was pathetic. I reached out across the silk sheets, feeling the tender fabric against my fingers. I longed for him. I craved for his perfect skin. His beautiful eyes. I waited to feel him against me.

I was affronted by nothing. The bed was empty. A mark where he had been was the only remainder of him. I rub my eyes as I begrudgingly lift myself up. I call out his name. I shout loud enough to be heard from anywhere in the house. What follows is only unfortunate silence.

He was gone again. Dan left me.

I hated that I wanted to cry. My emotions never followed orders. It was like someone else controlled them sometimes. I cupped my face as I stood weakly, slumped over. I breathed shallowly. I tried to keep my eyes from spilling over with tears. I didn't want to give in and disrupt my happiness that I had worked so hard for.

I sighed as the tears past. I felt relieved that I had kept them in. I reached for my phone. I wanted to find a message or missed call from him, but I was left disappointed. Only ones from Jonathan. He was in denial that we were broken up. It was annoying that he couldn't take it well. My screen was littered with his desperate pleas and horny booty calls. I scoffed as I threw it down onto the bed. It made me frustrated.

We has only dated for a few months, it was never serious. I made that explicitly clear. Being in love with my best friend really only made me want something casual. A distraction of sorts. That's all he ever was. A new shiny toy that I could play with when I was lonely or bored. Most of the time I was lonely. I did felt bad for how I treated him, I just had bigger concerns. Like my vanishing boyfriend.

30 minutes later, I was still alone and no Dan. God I could just strangle him. I laughed to myself, I was so utterly stupid. How could I think that he would stop this? Running away without a trace. Abandoning me. I guess I made the wrong choice of assuming he would change. Once we sort of became boyfriends that maybe he wouldn't keep secrets anymore. I was too optimistic. It was an unrealistic expectation.

I wanted to allow myself to be mad at him for once. Not just for the leaving. He was being unfair. I had told him my secrets, all of it. The good the bad and the ugly. It was only right if he did the same. I could tell there were things he kept under lock and key. I wanted nothing more than to grab that key and peer inside himself.

I headed to the garage to check for him. He never goes in there, but it was worth a shot. As I gingerly twisted the handle of the door and flicked on the light, I was affronted by cold air and emptiness. He was completely gone.

Crash!

I looked down at the coat hanger I had kicked with intense force. Jackets and Dans hats were spread out across the concrete floor. I didn't care. I decided to walk away. He could deal with it. I halted after taking only a few steps of pride. My eyes could be playing tricks on me. I didn't trust them. I twist my body so I face the back of the garage. I squint to see the distance clearer. There. I see it. Muddy footprints.

I weave through all the junk and tools to reach them. I bend down to see that they belonged to him. His feet were many sizes larger than mine. It was definite. There were two of them. They were pointed out towards the large opening door. Without thinking I run over to the leaver and pull. The garage door screamed and creaked open, slowly puttering up until the soft click sound told me it was secure.