Cаnnibal ~ Рhan

Ninєtєєn

~Dan's POV

Everyday it gets a little better. I'm pretty used to it now. Little by little, the need has been subsiding. The ache to kill those worse than me. I stopped, I've lost track of how long I have been keeping this up. It's been shorter than I imagine. I still feel different somehow. Maybe it's the odd sensation of the lack of blood in my mouth.

Phil made me realize the wrong in what I thought was right. He was capable of talking to me despite how revolting I must appear to someone as pure as him. None the less, it helped. More than he could've anticipated. I can never rid this godforsaken world of all the rapists and killers that inhabit it, I can only remember that I can be unlike those who harm others and make the world I live in as good as possible. Not by murdering, but by caring. Wanting to love people. Like I love Phil. That's what I can do. It's what I choose to do now.

His trust is slowly trickling back, just as my darkness is fading away. I know we won't be the same because of what I have done, but we are the best versions of ourselves because of it. Phil is learning to forgive and I learning to redeem myself. Phil told me I am not an evil soul, I simply lost my way because I cared too much.

He always knows exactly what to say. I wish I could be the same. The hardest time is when I can't comfort him. When he wakes up uneasy, baring a cold sweat from his nightmare. It plagues him nearly every night since he discovered the truth. I never pray for anything, but I do now. I hope that he can be spared of the terrors that flood his head. The ones that were my doing.

I swallow my face in my pillow and cry silently once I hear him settle and go back to sleep. The new guilt hurts more than any I'd had before. With those strangers, it wasn't personal. Now that it was... It was almost unbearable.

I know as time passes things will be similar to the way it was before. Never the same, but still happy. I want the nightmares of me to go away for him. I had to believe that, or else, I would return to my mistakes again. I could not allow that. It would completely ruin us. The loss of him would cost me my life. It could be prevented, and I was doing everything in my power to make that happen.

~~~~~~~~

"Phil, I'm making your favourite tonight! My world famous grilled cheese with extra cheddar," I exclaimed giddily. Cooking was one of my treasured pastimes, but lazy cooking was even better. That meant we would be eating on the couch watching our favourite TV show. Passing right by the table and leaving the plates and silver cutlery in their drawers.

I felt his large hand against my back, knowing his face wore as smile as he answered "That's great, exactly what I was hoping for," he stated sweetly over my shoulder. I plopped the fresh white bread down in the pan and sighed in delight from the lovely sizzling sound.

"Hey, I'll go see what's on, okay? Maybe something good for once." He left with a wink and turned the corner into the lounge. I smirked lightly as I shifted my focus back to the food, making sure that it wouldn't burn. The smell wafered though the room, enveloping my senses and bringing a minute of peace to my otherwise cluttered mind.

I placed all the sandwiches neatly on the plate, thinking presentation was everything. Even though the both of us would just be diving in and not caring. I heard Phil flipping through the channels as I headed towards him, carrying our simple, but delicious dinner.

"Okay. I know usually you only eat two, but I made you a third just in case I-"

He was trembling. I didn't know why. His eyes were drifting all across my face, searching for something. It seemed like an answer. One I probably couldn't provide. There was a hint of disbelief in his glare, it set every nerve cell in my body off. My stomach lurched. He knew something, it was as if I wasn't in on the fact. I said his name calmly, but he stayed still. Not even blinking once. I cast my eyes down to see his finger pointing to the screen in front of him. I looked over and... the plate began to slip from my fingers. I lost all feeling in me. The plate falls as though it is in a movie, slow motion gradually giving into gravity as it makes contact with the wooden floor. What follows is the shattering of glass. Splintering off into bits and pieces. The food thudded spastically to the floor. I had the capacity to know Phil flinched as it happened, but I didn't register it. Not really.