Hhhh... Where to start. You don't have to read this and give me comfort, because I just really need to get this out.
Well, I'm a horrible person and absolutely hate myself. I'm so selfish. At least that's what I think, anyone I ask says I'm selfless, beautiful, and amazing at writing. But I don't know what people see, I just look at myself and see an ugly skeleton with no integrity or writing skill. I just need someone to look in my eyes and tell me the truth.
I don't help around the house, but my mom says it's okay because of my ADHD, and homework drains all my energy. I don't even think I'm ADHD anymore, because there are people who have really bad ADHD and haven't even been diagnosed, while I have.
I'm also extremely fortunate--I'm going to Mexico and Whiskey Creek again this summer, also going to Canada in three weeks. We have money, the food for my weird eating habits, a small house that we only have because of the lack of houses on the market right now.
And yet I still think I might be getting depressed. School, I guess. But I've been lying about finishing my homework for the past few weeks and my grades are slipping. It's mostly math. I get my Spanish homework done (but I haven't been doing so hot on tests), and all other homework. I've grown dependent on my math teacher's discord. She checks homework off every couple weeks and a lot of people lose most of their homework, so I blame her. I really want to tell my mom that I've been screwing up, but she'll probably just be disappointed in me instead of offering support.
God, I just really hate myself. I'm a coward.
I also haven't had much writing support/ridicule. I think my skills are slipping, too. Nobody on WP really gives any criticism, they just want you to update or tell you you did a nice job. I would really appreciate critiques. I spent a lot of time on Animal Jam, and the roleplay there uses this thing called "advanced anatomy" where they use scientific cat anatomy (which I can't find any actual proof that it's right) and big words. They all look exactly the same and basically say "big big big evil big big evil big cat bigger than dog." and are edgy af. They thought they were better than me because my characters had no bloodlust and were not Warrior Cats. Anyways, I really let my writing go when I first went back on Animal Jam, but I slowly got better with there hatred toward me until they paid no attention to me. Then Animal Jam's chat system changed. Now you can barely say anything without it being blocked, so those people left.
Now I'm deprived of roleplay or any harsh corrections.
Idk, I just needed to get that out.
Love you,
-Batty.
