*Jessie's P.O.V.*
Ed and I departed soon after that, finishing off our refreshments. I strolled back to the hotel, our previous conversation on a loop and replaying in my head- causing me to over analyse everything that we had spoken about. At this point in time, I had no idea what I was going to do. I knew Holly and Clair would be very disapproving of me moving away for a short while, and I didn't even know how to tell them. It would be amazing to spend time with Ed more and travel a bit, as well as having the opportunity to promote myself overseas but I was still doubting whether it would work out. Would I benefit so much from it? Would I feel happy being away from my closest friends and family? I know you should grab life with two hands and take up any once in a lifetime chances but there was something niggling in the back of my head, warning me not to accept. I just hadn't quite figured out why or what that was.
I was just walking through the hotel reception doors when my phone went off. "Take as long as you need. I will understand either way, don't worry xx"- the message was from Ed. I knew he was being genuine in what he said but I gathered that I should make a choice sooner rather than later otherwise I would have too much time to dwell on everything and it would leave his crew questioning who could support him last minute on tour if I declined on the last hour. I didn't know how to begin a conversation with my friends regarding what Ed and I met up to talk about, and I knew it would make me anxious having to make such a big decision.
"You weren't very long!" Holly pulled a face as I walked back into the hotel room, flopping down onto the bed next to her. "There wasn't much to say..yet" I told her, still unsure of how to word it all. She sat nearer to me, giving direct eye contact. "Oi, Cornish. Explain yourself. Now." Holly listened for a good ten minutes to what I was telling her, not really expressing anything, probably internally making judgements about what I was saying. I also explained my arguments for and against a new start, and a slight shift in career. "Look I already know what you are going to say, I know it's-" Holly interrupted me, "an amazing opportunity? Yes, it is. Jess you may be surprised that I think that but it's the truth: of course I would love for you to stay here but that's just me being totally selfish! If you really like Ed like you say you do, and you want to promote yourself more then I would be saying yes right away." Holly smiled at me, waiting for a response. But I was speechless.
"I can't believe you are actually supporting me to leave! I mean, out of everyone I was sure you'd be the one to put up a fight against.." Holly laughed, sensing how stressed I was about telling her everything. "It's totally up to you though, you shouldn't let anyone else's opinion affect your judgement!" My best friend was right, only I could make the final call on this. But I was still so torn! I obviously needed to consult my family, but at the end of the day I knew they would stick by me whatever. I was continuing to dwell over my decision when my phone bleeped, showing another text from Ed. "Whatever you chose by the way, I won't take it personally. No matter what we will still remain friends:) xx" I had always known from the beginning that none of us would let anything come between what had always been a good friendship, and it was nice to know that it was still the case.
"Jessie I know I said follow your heart and dreams but I really don't think this is the right choice.. It's too much to decide upon so quickly and I think you are better promoting yourself centrally in London." I was shocked at my Mum's honest, yet pretty hurtful, words. She was usually all up for me chasing my career to wherever I needed, and encouraged me to take every opportunity I was given. But not this time. "I'm sorry Jessica," She continued, noticing my glum expression. "But it's not the right time. Maybe next year I would be all up for you spending time away but not now. Art can't be rushed and I feel like if you did tour far away you would be stretching yourself. Remember what happened when you were recording in L.A?" I didn't really know what to say back to her. Writing in L.A was a low point for me, it's how Who You Are came about, and although it has made me stronger today, I couldn't go through even a similar circumstance right now. "So you really don't want me to do this?" I double checked, but I already knew the answer. She was firm on her first words.
