*Jessie's P.O.V.*
So that's where it ended. Ed and I, we went back to just being friends.
Telling him was the hardest thing I had to do, seeing his face drop slightly when the sentence "I'm sorry, I'm staying here" slipped out of my mouth, leaving him sad and speechless. I knew I had disappointed him and in some ways I disappointed myself, because there was barely a way to justify my actions. Ed had just experienced a difficult break up and yet another person he had got close to partially let him down. He pretended he was okay with it, smiling weakly and hugging me in the familar manner that I had gotten so used to. And that was the last time I saw him. We mutually agreed upon that, saying a last goodbye before he intending spending those next few days getting organised for the European tour. We had sat in the same seats in that local coffee shop, barely muttering a word, yet the silence spoke louder.
"Thank you for everything you have done these last few weeks or so." Ed had told me seriously, putting his hand on top of mine for what had been the final time. I had wondered what he had to thank me for. Thanks for leaving? Thanks for declining in a once in a lifetime offer? But he went on to explain how he had needed a close friend for some closure and understanding on what he had gone through, and I had been there for him when I needed him most. Like our conversation prior to the last one, there was very little to say. We stood up from where we had been perched, closing in for a long, tight hug and remained like that for a few minutes before he pulled me in closer for a final kiss. "Thank you again." He whispered when our embrace ended, making me shake slightly at how overwhelming the whole situation was. "Good luck, I wish you all the best." I replied genuinely, before we both walked out into the air in opposite directions, without a second glance.
Holly and Clair were shocked at my decision to remain here, but knew it was best not to say anything in case it had upsetted me. At the time, I reckon it would have unnerved me as my emotions were still raw and I was lost at what I had just decided on, despite making it all final. My head span in circles, going over and over the possible options of what I could have done- overthinking the way I could be right now if I had gone abroad. It's weird how within an instant someone who meant more than a friend to you, can go back to just being that friend so quickly. I don't regret any of the time spent with Ed- it's quite the opposite, yet I can't help feeling that there was some sort of doubt still lingering.
The same day we said goodbye, I made the effort to contact all of Ed's team and thank them for their recent hospitality and invitation to go on tour. They had made me feel so welcome, and it had never been awkward in the slightest and I had really appreciated everything they had done, going the extra mile to make Holly and Clair have tickets to the gig as well and just generally ensuring we were totally comfortable. I loved the sense of community I felt when hanging out with his crew. It was like his family, all in one room, laughing and smiling. It was from then that I decided to invite Holly and Clair to accompany me to all my gigs too, and I have recently employed a stylist as well as a hairdresser, Alisha, who has become a close friend as well. Being in the spotlight I feel like there is a certain pressure to always be happy, and always seem grateful for everything. Don't get me wrong, I know how lucky I am but at the same time I am only human.
I think that when people are shoved into the public's eye they are automatically put up for scrutiny and are critized over the slightest things. Even the people in my fanbase seem to forget that I am just like them. I have my down days too, times where I need to be alone or surrounded by family and those who know me personally. Having my friends with me really helps-a close support network allows me to be a lot more open about everything. It's hard not being able to thank everyone for their continued support and sometimes it upsets me knowing that I can't explain why I am distancing myself from my fans because it is never their fault, but everyone needs their space and I can't be expected to be smiling all the time. Everyone has their days when they are down, it's only natural.
