Thoughts

My psyche

I'm so fucking mad

Not crazy just angry

Because nothing works

it's all broken just like we

are all broken inside-

and I hate all of the floating pieces

of a society

that hates me

and suddenly

I see

it's all a lie

a great big lie

and I'm yelling at the sky

and I'm eating another cookie

and I can't see a goddamn thing

Everybody singing about this hotline bling

but they can't see past their screens

What are you gonna do when you ain't got no means

to make it by

You can't just live on the fly

'Cuz you have a family now

and they sure as hell would not appreciate

a 2-pronged fork and an empty plate

And they all say it's for the sake

of society

But really so much anxiety

and now we're pushing each other out

of the other's mind until all that's left is a great big drought

No smiles

No laughter for miles

and miles we're in plain sight now

the sun beats down on every bough

of every tree you've ever seen

And I think to myself What could this mean?

I'm so fucking mad

We're all broken

and there's not a single damn thing I can do about it

I can't fix the cold

and I can't fix the kids

who think the best way to live is in your face

For those who buy a lottery ticket just to get a crowd

of attention for one minute; those kids that think oblivion is better than trying to fit in

Society dictates what we must do - conform, take away your ability to choose

and only then will you become one

with this Earth that rotates and revolves and tilts

all at once

Incredible? No, what's incredible is

we are killing it without

a second thought

Disjointed, haphazard thought

given to humans that somehow

managed to fuck us all up

All over again - and I can't swear I won't fucking swear

And who really gives a shit what I do when there's 7 billion equally angry souls coexisting out there - why do I matter

 Who fucking cares?

Why does it matter what scores you get

who you know

where you go

how you live

what you decide

to do with a life

that turns out to be

utterly and entirely

insignificant?

Who cares what kind of there to use 

Or the forms of to to confuse

when we are all going to die and it doesn't really matter

if you use an apostrophe

or not because

you still got your point across a lot fucking better than I did

Hey whatever grammar is the foundation of language

but English is so complicated that no one even gives a damn anymore about pronouns like him 

or a homonym.

All anyone sees is their phone - a piece of damned plastic and metal and god knows what else with tiny circuits firing inside a tiny motherboard making up a tiny existence.

Fuck.

I'm so angry.

I have all this rage locked up inside and it never ever seems to die

and I can't seem to get away from myself

because people remind me of what I've done but my mind will never let me rest

Everything triggers my everything

and it seems to me that I am royally screwed

and I hate talking to my parents yet I keep doing it and all I want is attention

Isn't that what we all want?

But I have singled myself out from the rest of the crowd - I can't fit in any circle because my actions are so damn loud

Doing everything and accomplishing nothing

The definition of a real dope

The Clevingers of the world will assemble into a mass protest of some civil rights travesty that doesn't really effect us but we'll take it!

And so on the Ides of March I will take this day and hunt down my anger with fear and disgust and regret and guilt and hatred and even sadness

Although I don't feel sad I just feel disappointed and upset

and possibly moribund - also deplorably melancholy (and all of this righteously so)

Fuck my life.

Not because I don't have privileges and opportunities and I'm an ungrateful little bitch.

it's for all the times I feel incompetent and frustrated and that I can't go on because I just can't.

Don't tell me it's a phase because I will kill you

Don't tell my I won't see you until Christmas because I will kill you

The Dark Side of the Force is strong in this one.

The Dark Side of the Force is all that will ever reign because there must be a balance between Light and Dark and once that balance is reached it is inevitable that the Dark will overcome because all stars must die and our sun and many others will surely die out into a great black swirling mass and the darkness of space will once again pervade our corner of the universe.

Also, I hate eyeliner. Fuck that.