Loving The Captain

Chapter 40

Cora's hands shook as she waited for the timer to go off. She paced back and forth in the bathroom of the apartment that Tony had given her to stay in. It had been too painful to go back to Steve's. Natasha had been kind enough to offer her a room with her and Bucky, but Cora declined, needing the space.

It had been a week since Steve had passed. Cora had spent most of that time lying in bed, unable to move or to speak. She hadn't been able to eat, and the only time she had left bed was to throw up.

The assassin had been an ex-HYDRA agent with a grudge. He was planning to take out Bucky and Steve, but had been caught and dispatched before finishing the job.

The news and all the papers were littered with stories and headlines, all with a common theme. "Captain America, Assassinated."

Bucky, Natasha and Tony had taken care of all of the preparations, Cora having been too overwhelmed to handle it. Her only request was that Steve be dressed warmly and have a warm blanket. Because the ground was cold. Steve hated to be cold. Hated the dark and hated being alone. For all the promises to be by his side always, Steve had gone to a place Cora couldn't follow. To a place where she couldn't keep him warm after night terrors woke him.

Sam tried to keep her company, but Cora pushed him away, hating how he tried to council her. She needed space. She needed home. But her home was gone. Steve was gone.

The timer beeped and Cora shut it off. Taking a deep breath, Cora picked up the stick and looked. One word, in digital letters, was printed across the little window.

PREGNANT.

And in that one moment, Cora's life changed forever. She was pregnant. With Steve's baby. And Steve was dead.

Cora couldn't believe it. That was the sixth test she had taken since her cycle had been late two days ago. There was no denying it. She had to keep it to herself. This little part of Steve growing inside her was all she had left of him, and she wasn't ready to share it.

A knock at the door made Cora jump. "Cora, you ready? It's time to go."

Cora shoved the box and test into the trash and called back to Natasha as she washed her hands. "Y-yeah, I'm ready."

Opening the door, Cora fought to straighten her dress. She knew she looked terrible. She hadn't bothered with make up, and while her hair was clean, it hung limp past her shoulders. There were dark circles under her eyes and she was still shaking.

Natasha took pity on her and led Cora to the bed. "Here, let me help you."

Nat brushed through Cora's hair, pulling it back in a loose topknot. Then she quickly applied a light layer of foundation to give Cora some color. "How's that?"

Cora nodded. "Thanks."

***

After the funeral, Cora sat in the back of the limo with Natasha and Bucky as they made their way back to the tower. On her lap, Cora held the folded flag that she had been presented with in Steve's honor. She ran her fingers over the stitching, the blue and the stars reminding her of all the times she had run her fingers over the star on the chest of Steve's uniform.

It had been a closed casket funeral, and Cora hadn't asked why, but simply requested that he was dressed warmly. That there was a warm blanket covering him. Bucky had reassured her of this request.

All she wanted was to put as much distance between herself and the city. Once she got back to the tower, there was a jet waiting to take her back to Ohio. It had taken a lot of convincing, but Cora reassured Sam she just needed space, and he had agreed to give it to her. To stay with the Avengers. What was left of them anyway.

Cora felt numb. Like she was still coming to terms with what had happened. But she knew she never truly would. It would always feel as though Steve were just away on a mission. Running late...Not that he was in the cold hard ground. Alone, and cold, and in the dark.

A sob racked through her and she nearly dropped the flag. Fumbling, she caught it against her chest and held it there, as though it were a piece of Steve. As though that simple flag were a way to reach him.

Feeling large, strong arms around her, Cora looked up and saw that Bucky had pulled her against him. Knowing how hard it was for Bucky to make contact with anyone, Cora simply buried herself in his embrace.

***

"You sure you don't want us to stay?" Natasha asked as she helped Cora turn on the lights in her house.

"I need to be alone." Cora stood at the base of the stairs. "I need...time. Just...time. I'll be in touch." She gave Natasha and Bucky both a hug, then sent them on their way.

Grant and Claire had stopped by that evening, but Cora ushered them away just the same as she had the others. She wanted to be alone. Needed to be alone. Needed to be able to let go and cry and yell and sob without anyone there.

And that is exactly what she did. She screamed into her pillows, that still carried Steve's scent. She wore one of his shirts to bed, but stripped it off, lying cold and almost naked on the rug on her floor, not able to tolerate his scent on her bed. It was a long, cold and hard night, that first night home. And in the early morning hours, Cora finally fell asleep, a hand held over her belly, and thoughts of Steve's child growing there played in her mind. Would the child be a girl or a boy? Would they look like Steve? Or her? What would Steve have thought if she had been given the chance to tell him that she was having his baby?