The Malay Princess

Remembrance

I dressed nicely today. A pink baju kurang moden, and my hair tied in a loose braid. I was wearing my crown, it was the first charity event that I have done. A charity for orphans in my home state. My ayah told me that it should be done, that whatever I do, it is for the people. I probably have a drug problem, or maybe a crippling alcoholic, but at least, I can do this. A child, a girl about four, or maybe even five; walks by me. 

I stopped her. 'Oh kita pakai baju warna sama la.' I said. She smiles at me so cutely. I have always liked children though. Never wanted em, but have always liked them. 

'Kakak puteri ke?' She asks me. 

'Untuk adik, akak puteri ke?' I asked her and she nods. 'Kalau akak puteri, then adik pun sama la. Nama adik siapa?' I asked the small child, holding her hands and playing with it. 

'Hana.' She says, the shy girl. What a cutie. 

'It seems like you found a new best friend, didn't even notice me hanging around you.' I hear a voice that I always recognize, I raised from squatting to be in the same level as the little girl. 

'Harun.' I called out his name and smiled. 'You got my invitation.' I said. 

'Well, since it's you.' He says. I smiled. 

'Since it's me, huh?' I took the kid to the cake and got her a piece. We sat a bit further from the others. The child ate the cake so politely, she was so cute. 

'I don't know why, but every time I jumpa you, you tengah stuffing your face.' He said. I laughed.

'That's because I'm always hungry, Harun.' I said, matter-of-factly. 

'Where's Zarith though? Your other half?' He asked me. 

'He came for a bit, then he went back. We're fighting, so we're not talking to each other.' 

'You guys rarely fight.' He points out. I nodded, and eating mouthfuls of the ordered cake. It was good though, a friend of mine helped me out with the cake. It tasted really nice, really expensive. It should have costed a fortune but he gave me a good discount for it since he said 'you can't charge a princess too much for cake'. I simply agreed. 

'That is true. I jarang gaduh dengan abang. Some people fight with their brothers a lot, but I don't. Shit just happens.' I said. 

'Apa jadi? If you don't mind me asking.' 

I smiled. Such a gentleman. 'Nothing la. It's not even worth being concerned about. Abang goes around lecturing, and I go around getting mad. He doesn't really agree with my life choices.' He says.

'Well, I don't really agree with your life choices too but you're still you. You're still the Zara I know, who likes kids and would be so kind towards anyone; even if it's not your choice. You're the Zara yang pandai, who can talk in eight different languages and are not afraid of anything. Jangan la gaduh lama sangat dengan Zarith tu. The thing yang you both have in common is how stubborn you guys are. Don't let it hold out for too long.' He says. I liked it; every time he tells me that I am better than what I think about myself. He knows the both of us best. We have known each other for more than half of our lifetimes, he knows me better than my closest friends. 

'I wish you would be around a lot more though.' I said, Hana told me that she was going to play with her friends, and I nodded. 

'I will, if you want me too.' 

'And by the way, I'm scared of a lot of things, you je yang tak tau.' I said. 

'It's okay to be scared of things. But if I could have handled half of the things you can, then I would have been champion already.' I laughed listening to his statement. 'And if the Zara I know, you don't need a man, you need a champion.' His dimples came out as he spoke. His bright lips moving, forcing me to bite down my nails. 

'How's your dad doing though?' I said, changing the topic of discussion. If this keeps up, I might end up in his bed tonight. It's not like I'm conservative about sex of course, I don't mind it at all. But if it's sex with him, I'd need to think twice. Because it's not just going to be sex, though, since it's him.

'He misses you. He told me to bring you to dinner some time.' He says. 

'Raja Permaisuri said that about you too. She told me to ask you to have dinner when ayah is back.' 

'I'd love too. You still call your mom Raja Permaisuri? You're childish.' He says. I shrugged. 'So you gaduh with abang because of your mom la?' He asked me, and he was right as rain. I snapped my fingers, and said 'bingo!'.

'It's just that, mom favors abang more than me. I don't hate abang though, it's not his fault. But I hate mom, I don't even know if I hate him, but yeah.'

'Sebab apa jadi dengan Zulfiqar ke?' He says, he finally brought it up. The name that everyone tried their best to avoid. 'Zara.. you can't blame your mom forever.' 

I sighed. 'Well he would have been alive if mom was a better mother.' I said.

'It was an accident. Shit happens Zara,and you can't blame her forever.' The thing is with Harun, he has been around for so fucking long, it was not awkward for him or for us to talk about stuff like this. But I can't deal with this right now. I stood. 

'Zara..' He sighs.

'I'm going to go for a cigarette.' He tries to stop me. 

'I'll go, don't leave your own event.' 

I shook my head. 'No I'm not leaving. Hold down the fort for me, okay?' 

I could hear my heart breaking.