The Malay Princess

Two Years Ago..

Who would have known that you would leave us so soon? 

The whole state was wearing black, the flags are descended by half. You were the best between us, but you were the first to leave us. Everyone had dark circles under their eyes. It should have been me instead, taking your place. But you had to leave instead. 

'Zara, it's time.' Zarith says, my brother who faked his strength all day. 

'Okay.' Instead of a lavish dress, a simple black gown took it's place. I haven't been to my state in a very long time, having lived overseas for most of my lifetime. The heat of my land got to me, beads of sweat on my forehead. My mother was at the door. 

'I'm sorry, Zara.' She says. For the first time in a very long time, she held me sweetly. My brother has been taken away for me, and I have no one to blame. But I blame my mother, that ensured that he must leave when he told her, he specifically told her that he had a bad feeling about it! My brother believed him, the King believed him, I did too. But not my mother. I pushed her away. 

'He's dead, ma! He's dead because of you. You should have never...' 

'I know, Zara, and I'm sorry. For the rest of my life, the only thing I could tell you is that I'm sorry, I know I have caused this.' She sighs. 'But right now, the people need your strength, Zara, you too Zarith. I should have..' She cries again. If it wasn't abang, then I would have told her it wasn't her fault. But it was, and now, abang's dead. 

'Zara, we have to go.' He says, and I sighed. The people need me. I needed to give a speech. The prince that was supposed to be in line as the King was dead. I went into the podium, I retouched my makeup. I tried my hardest not to cry. Zarith did well, not even a single drop of tear graced his cheek. The King was staring at me in his throne, I needed strength. I knew how much my brother loved me. 

I swallowed my spit before I spoke. They told me to speak in English since it was broadcasted live globally.

'To the King of the State, Duli Yang Maha Mulia Paduka Seri Sultan Zulfikri Izzuddin Shah Maghfirullah, the Queen, Duli Yang Maha Mulia Raja Permaisuri Tuanku Safiya Azaliah; I seek for the mercy of Allah swt, may the Lord bless the souls of this country, this great state and also, for my brother. 

My name is Raja Zara Sarifah, the youngest out of three, now two siblings. I am here standing today, to say that I am mourning. My brother, next in-line to the throne, Raja Zulfiqar Saddiq, left this world at 5:25 in the morning, on a Friday. I could not say so much about his death, but I could tell you about him. My brother, well, he might be a prince to you but well, he is just an abang to me.' When I uttered the word abang, my tears fell vigorous. The press went wild and the shutters flashing. 

'My abang to me, was the best. My parents, well, they are guarding this state diligently; of course, they have big responsibilities, not like other parents. So I had my abang, and my Zarith. He taught me a lot of things, being a few years older than the both of us. He taught me how to ride a bicycle in palace grounds since we couldn't go outside for, obviously, safety reasons. He cooked me my first Maggi, and we ate it where nobody could see.' I sighed, wiping my tears again and again. I needed to appear strong, but I couldn't. 

'You, the people, has lost a Prince, and a future King. I have lost a brother. I am mourning. I don't blame anybody, but I would have wished I had more time. I wish that he was not taken for granted and that people could really know how kind he was, and how smart he was. I know that this might sound ignorant and maybe even selfish. But what I would like to ask from everyone, everyone in this glorious state, is to remember him as a good person, instead of a prince or a future King. The only thing I could feel is how sorry I am, and how my heart is breaking every time I hear his name. My abang, Raja Zulfiqar Saddiq, abang, you would be thoroughly missed. 

'Thank you for your time.' I stepped down from the podium. The next day, the press was going wild from my speech. They did not forget to banter my brother, pointing out on how his speech was; to quote; 'passive in the hearts of the people'. I did not think that at all. I thought that he was just doing his responsibility, he controlled the fire. However, I made it worse. I should have just said the things that needed to be said. 

I knocked on the door of Zarith's room. The palace in our state was much bigger, much more extravagant. 'Zarith.'  I said. He was crying, as I was in my room. 

He threw the newspaper. 'Are you here to brag, Zara?' He says, I looked at the paper all messed up on the floor. 

'Zarith..' I said. 'I'm sorry.' 

'Now I'm the one who's empty?' He says, laughing. He had strong liquor in his hands. He downed it. I was much of a drinker, but he wasn't. He's probably drunk. 'I was there for abang when he had it tough. Where were you? But you're the one who's sentimental about his death?' He says, throwing the bottle at me. I dodged it, but he was still angry. 

'I know, Zarith.' 

'I should have never listened to ma! And now you're the better one?' He says. I shook my head. I went ahead and held him. He couldn't do anything but held me back. 

'Zarith, who cares about what they think, Zarith. You know how you meant to him. I know how you loved him, and I know that you mourned as much as me, more than me, even.' I could feel his tears on my shoulders. 

'I miss him so much, Zara.' He utters. I ran my hand through his back. 

'I know, Zarith. I know it better than anyone.' I answered. He cried all he wanted, and I listened to everything he had to say. Zarith changed after that day, and now two years have gone by. He became more stoic, more stiff and I couldn't blame him. A large responsibility on his shoulders, the only thing he could do is bear with it. Zarith had it harder than me. Sometimes he'd act out again, but I'll be there for him. Because to the both of us, we had no one but ourselves to soothe our pain.