The Malay Princess

Childhood Crushes

One of these days I'm legit going to kill myself. 

'Just smile, Zara, bukannya mati pun.' Zarith says, my asshole brother. He's cute, of course he is, but he's an asshole that gives me so much sass most of the time. It was the annual gathering again. I am here in my kebaya songket that was too tight in my corset that I felt like vomiting. I gather up the decency to fake a smile and I prevailed. My bun is on too tight and the ornaments on my head makes me feel like I'm a Christmas tree. It was supposed to be an event, why the hell are we doing a garden party all of the sudden? And it just rained, I could feel my Jimmy Choo's getting soiled by the ground. 

I clasped my hand around Zarith's arm. 'If you let go of me, Zarith, I swear to God I'm going to fucking kill you.' I said, and Zarith merely gave me a sly smirk. After he walks a few good steps, stops, he lets go of me. What a fucking prick. I need a smoke. 

'Zara!' I could hear their pig-like squeals from a kilometer. Syed's daughters. I like their dad, but his daughters are; ugh. 

'Suraya.. Farhana..' I said, in a monotone. The twins wrapped their arms around me, guiding me to the table. At least there are some use for them after all. 

'I dah lama tak jumpa you tau. We haven't clubbing lama dah.' The crooked English that comes out of their mouths make me feel like I should shoot myself. Well who'd want to 'clubbing' with you sisters, annoying fucking twats. I merely gave them a bitter smile. 

'Soon, maybe.' I said. I was tired, probably because I hit some in my car a few ago, now I'm a bit hungry. Well, a lot hungry. I excused myself from the girls, and went to the buffet area. I stood there, in the cakes section lined up. Standing on the corner, picking up the mini cakes and stuffing my face made me feel good. Nobody was watching me so it's fine, I went on until I was satisfied. Anyways, my high was wearing off; I need another hit. 

'Unfortunately ni bukan first time I tengok you macam ni.' I turned my head and saw someone I haven't seen in ages. I wiped my mouth as soon as I saw him. 

'Harun!' He opened his arms and I got into it. It was nice, always nice seeing him. 

Harun is one of Zarith's friends. He's an aristocrat as well, he came from a family of oil companies. Not a Raja nor a Syed, no a Tengku either. He was just made of money. Nobody cared if he was not made of status, but he was gold. Even so, that's not why I'm friends with him. We are both each other's family friends, but I have always liked him. Before he moved, my eyes were always on him; but I don't know if it is still on him now though. 

'How's Perth?' I asked him, finally putting down my white plate. 

'It's okay, it's nice. But I'm moving back here though.' He says. 

'You're moving back here?' I asked. 'For good?' 

'For good.' He gives me that devilish smile again. He's the kind of guy everybody would go to. Humble, loaded and has a killer smile. His eyes would twinkle when he speaks. I think he's the only Malay guy that I found attractive. There are a lot, though of course, but he, well, Harun is different. He's kind, and selfless and I feel like a girl every time I'm around him. 'You look gorgeous by the way.' He says sheepishly. 'You always have.' He says, with the gaze he usually has. 

Don't look at me like that. Don't look at me like you did before. 

'Do I?' I said, fixing up my hair a bit. 

'Yeah, like a 1960s beauty queen. You've always looked the best in traditional clothing though. I don't know why, but you do.' His compliments has always been sincere, and different too. He doesn't tell you how hot you look or how sexy you are. Genuine, beautiful compliments that legit makes your day. We talked a lot, catching up. Whenever he's not here, I wonder why I was so hung up on him. But while he's really here, I understand it completely. 

Right now, I don't feel like killing myself anymore. 

'Abang.' I grabbed him as I smiled and excused me with my brother. We walked away from the crowd. 'Harun's here.' I said, whispering. I turned my head and I saw him, talking to the others. 

'I know he is. I ajak dia datang.' Zarith said, so fucking casually that I felt like hitting him in the face. When we were far enough from the others, I stopped walking and so did Zarith. 

'Kenapa you tak bagitau I dulu? What the fuck, abang?' I said, poking his chest. He laughed, and that made me infuriated. 'You should have told me, I was so unprepared for this.' I said.

'Well, you've been so irritated and tired lately, I just wanted you to tone down a bit.' He says. Zarith knows perfectly, well, he's my best friend. He might not be the most perfect brother out there, but he does know me. I gave him a half hug, so I don't make it awkward. 'Oh ya, your girlfriend's looking for you.' I joked around. 

'I don't have a girlfriend.' He says. 

I turned and pointed from afar. To Suraya. 'Now you do.' 

'Fuck you.' 

I went back to the table where Harun's sitting at. We sat closely, next to each other. Like old times. I should be circling around, talking to other people like my mother would have instructed me to do. That's all what the Queen wants, for me to get married off like she was in the eighties. How tacky. Finding a husband is not priority right now. My priority lies next to Harun, deeply as we talk in low voices and touching each other's shoulders casually. 

'I'm sorry I didn't tell you that I was coming though. Zarith invited me.' He says, whispering into my ear since the music was a bit loud and we were sitting to close to the speakers. 

'I know, he told me.' I answered, while nodding. 

'I just wanted to see you.' He says, his statement made me blush. 

'Datang je la jumpa I.' I said. 

'I don't know how to.' We have always had this something between us. The something that made us, well, us. We have always been something more, but not too much more. A distant barrier, but still a closed invisible dome around us that made each other inseparable. We have known each other for so long that it has been too comfortable. I could do almost anything around him and he's not afraid to act jealous around me. But we were nothing more than just friends. We were compatible, too perfect for each other, but unfortunately, we were nothing more than just friends. 

But if you ask me now, right this second, as he looks at me with his bright hazel eyes; would I settle down with him if he asked? 

No doubt, yeah.