Shattered Reflections (One Direction FanFiction) COMPLETED

51- Emotions and Talking

June 18, 2012

*Olivia's POV*

I don't want to move. I don't want to breathe. I don't want to perform. I don't want to do anything. I just wanted all this to go away, for things to be simple again.

But no, here I am. In a chair, having my hair being styled, being pulled left and right. Makeup being brushed over my face in a rushed but skillful fashion. I could hear all the commotion around me, needing to get the boys ready for the show, making sure the musicians have the set in the right order, making sure my mic was on and that the people working the lights knew what to do and when.

I didn't talk. All I did was nod my head here and there and told where I was supposed to go and when. I had the fakest smile on my face and whenever anyone asked me if I was okay I would tell them I'm fine.

I have been avoiding Niall and Harry the whole time, they have tried to talk to me but I acted like I needed to be somewhere else and not even say a word to them.

You're being a bitch

I just don't want to be here. But I do because I'm opening for the boys at their show here in NYC. Beth is playing with the boys hairdresser's daughter Lux. What a pretty name. I sort of envied Lou's ability to be a mom.

Would I have been a good mom? I raised Beth, but she was my sister. Would I have one of those infamous mental bonds with my child?

I had left it up to Zayn to tell everyone else. From what he has told me, Harry and Niall fought and cried. Louis and Liam cried as well and were shocked to hear that it was Niall's. I couldn't face them yet. If I looked at Niall I would think of the baby that could have been.

Would they have had his eyes? Hair? Laidback attitude? Hunger and metabolism? Or would they have inherited my looks, my height, ears and nose? What would they be when they grew up? What would they like to do? What gender would they have been?

So many questions that will never have an answer.

*Zayn's POV*

It's killing me to see Olivia like this. I can see right past that fake smile. She hasn't said a word. I'm worried about her. She keeps saying she's fine. Bullshit. My aunt had a miscarriage and I'm goddamn sure that if a woman has a miscarriage and they were looking forward to the baby they would not be fine.

I feel bad for Niall and Harry too. Niall was the biological father for god's sake! And Harry was ready to raise the child as if it was his own.

Olivia doesn't know this, but the boys and I had agreed to dedicate our song Moments to the baby from now on because it was the song I sang to her on the plane home. No one will ever know this but us.

I was just leaning against a random wall when I heard the music for Olivia's set start. I made my way to the wing so I could watch her. She looked stunning. She was wearing a strapless pink topped, red skirted dress with a red headband bow and her hair in a perfect ponytail. She was singing Skyscraper. She then did Back to December and The Way I Loved You. Her voice sounded amazing as always but she sounded more emotional in this set.

She didn't even say a word to anyone when she finished. She had a fake smile on and walked off stage and to her dressing room. I would have went in there to talk to her but I was being called away to get ready for our entrance.

When we did get on stage the crowd went wild as usual and I saw that Liv was in the wing where I was, now just in a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. We asked the crowd to quiet down for a moment.

 *Olivia's POV*

"Hey guys, thanks for coming out here, but before we actually start singing," Louis started.