Without Myself

Prologue

     I struggle against the pair of arms that hold me back, trying to cover my eyes. But I kick and struggle, needing to get there before it's to late. So I run. I run to the big brown door at the end of the hall, needing to stop Jordan.

     "EMILIE DON'T!" Someone screams. But I ignore it because my parents are in there.

     "Mama, daddy please," I cry, pounding at the door- BANG. BANG. Two crisp, clear gunshots ring out from behind the wood door.

     "NOOOO!" I cry as more unwanted arms try to comfort me.

     I fly up from my bed and run across the floor to the corner of my room. I sit there, shaking like the big baby I am. I ignore the small tears that run down my face. The dull pain that throbs against my chest hardly hurts anymore. I've gotten that used to it.

     Gemini on the other hand, has all but forgotten. She has Nate now. Jake and I though, well nowadays we have alot more in common than he thinks. We're both alone. And if the constant reminders weren't there I'm almost certain the faces of our parents would be long gone. But for me to forget, it's like not sleeping. You can't not sleep, believe me, I've tried. I'd have absolutely no problem with never sleeping again. At least then the nightmares wouldn't forever haunt me. Nightmares that aren't even really mine to begin with.

     My name is Emilie Carter Sparks. And if by some miracle, I happen to get married, I will not change my last name. Because Sparks is how they remember my parents. They say, "Sparks? Oh hey, that was the last name of Walter and Allie." I never really got to know them. And who's fault is that? Well I could name a few people.

     "Emilie, hun, come down to breakfast!" I hear Nate call up to me. With a silent prayer on my lips, I quietly get up and pull on a sweater before padding softly down the stairs.