supersonic. << n.h

thirty three

song of the chapter | all time low by jon bellion

"Princess?" Niall whispered from the other side of the room. I didn't bother to acknowledge him. "It's okay, I'm not mad at you for this. I know you didn't mean to," He now kneeled in front of me and brushed the glass from my hands. His words didn't help the slightest.

"How am I supposed to be a mother if I can't control myself?" I choked on a sob. Somehow through the tears I noticed Niall's eyes widen. "I'm not pregnant right now, which is kinda unbelievable because we haven't used protection like ever!"

"But why are your thinking about children like that now? And you're on the pill, that's probably why."

"I don't know! Everything I've done for myself is coming down in flames. I haven't been at college in months, I've had my body broken more than twice, I left New York three times and Captain almost raped me! My life is in a blaze!" I fell into a heap in Niall's arms. I felt absolutely terrible. His hand gliding over my back soothed my cries, but not my pain.

Yes, it's a blaze. It'll destroy everything in its path, but that's okay. Soon the flames will settle and ash will be the remains. The ash will once day blow away and then you'll be able to rebuild when you're ready. All of the ash won't blow away though, it'll still linger in the corners of yourself. Some days it will bother you, other days not. It's okay to not be okay.

I found the strength to smile at thoughts. It'd be okay.

It wasn't fucking okay, actually.

In the next three months, we'd fought several times and even spent more than three weeks apart.

This whole "It gets better," thing is taking a little while to kick in.

"We're superheroes for goodness sake! If it's not better, just make it better!" Niall yelled at me. We were twisted up in one of our iconic and ironic fights about my decline in overall happiness.

"You think I can play everyone's part to perfection? That I can have everyone act a certain way just for me? I can't! I can't just change how I feel about myself and everything on this planet! I can't just buff out the scratches and be brand new all over again. They're not scratches, they're gashes and wounds!" I huffed and sat down in defeat. He'd never understand.

"I don't want to talk about this anymore," he sighed and sat next to me on the couch. I didn't want to be near him at the moment. I pushed myself up.

"Then don't bring it up in the first place." I walked into the kitchen and pulled a beer from the fridge. I found a twist cap opener and popped the bottle open.

Niall strode in soon after and yanked the alcohol from my hand before I could take a swig.

"What the fu—"

"You don't even like beer," Niall found the strewn cap and effortlessly straightened it before pushing it back on the bottle and placing it in the fridge.

"You need to stop hiding your emotions under alcohol. It's only going to make it worse and harder to fix. You're hitting your all time low and it's bound to come up soon," Niall wrapped an arm over my shoulders and tugged me towards him. He dipped down to brush my nose with his and rest his forehead on mine.

"I'm sorry that I can't understand what you're going through. I'm not making the greatest effort to understand either. But you know what we'd have to do to get you back to your old self?"

"What do we have to do?" I asked hesitantly and stepped back slightly. I don't want to do what I think he wants.

"You need to get back into your suit and defend the city again."

—

"No, fuck this. I can't," I diverted my gaze from the mirror. Niall had me put on my suit the moment the need for help arrived. I hadn't worn it in months, not used my powers since my downfall. I was too afraid I'd hurt someone.

"Yes, you can. And hurry up before someone dies," Niall jumped out of the window and soared downtown. I huffed and dangled my feet out the window.

"I can't, I can't, I can't!" I can't, but the feeling twisted inside me. I needed to go, I really needed to do this.

I can do this, I can do this. I pushed myself out of the window, hoping something in the super half of my brain would kick in.

Yeah, no. It didn't kickstart at all, just let me hurdle towards concrete.

"Come on, come on!" There was a problem I wasn't seeing. I was just hoping that my powers would just kick in and lead for me. It wasn't going to do that. It was like legs, they don't move unless you tell them to. Walking will become a mindless activity but you can be aware of the command. I had to make it happen, not hope.

I stopped falling and shot back up into the air at speeds I didn't realize I could go. I felt my old personality come alive inside of my heart. I was becoming me again.

I fell back into routine and made my usual grand entrance, dashing in front of everyone else and finishing with a powerful landing that usually tore up concrete.

"Supersonic, I've missed you darling," the fire boy whom name was Blaze. The irony that my blaze started with him.

"What do you want? Give me a reason not to kill you?" I snapped at him full of resentment. If I could've stayed away from the first time I would be okay.

"You know that we would be perfect together? You lust for me."

"I lust for your energy. You're still an asshole no matter what,"

"That energy makes you powerful and you know you love it!"

"That energy makes me lethal!" I spat in disgust. The energy craving side of me needed control, and I was the master of her, not vice versa.

"Well what are you gonna do? Kill me?"

"Well you're not just gonna stop burning my city to ashes, are you?"

"I'm not leaving without you. My energy makes the evil inside you breathe. The evil inside you is more powerful than anything in this world. You could rule the world," He reached out for me but I backed away in caution. One touch and he could melt my skin off, or I would get stuck to him again.

"I already rule the world and I don't need evil or you to do it!"

"If you continue to resist me, I'll have to do what you don't want me to," he warned and suspiciously glared at me. I rolled my eyes in annoyance. He dared to think he could take on me?

"You're breathing, what could be any worse?"

"I'll set you in a blaze."