Back to Reality: Niall's Cancer Battle sequel

Chapter Eight: Until Then

A/N: Just saying, I reread the previous chapter before this one and still cried. Like jeeze past Kat, what is wrong with you?

Chapter Eight: Until Then

I can faintly hear the lads running after me, their shoes squeaking and pounding against the hospital's polished floors. I ignore them and keep walking, my eyes focused solely on my own pair of shoes. I don't want anything to do with them. Their words just keep ringing in my ears, their taunting and teasing me about my imperfections. My flaws. My everything that is me. 

I feel the tears still streaming down my face even as I make it outside. I know that I have to get in the same car as them, but that doesn't mean I have to talk to them or even acknowledge their being there. The truth is that I can't stop replaying their words, can't stop remembering the way they all threw hate at me. 

I get in the car and slide all the way into the back, keeping my face turned outwards. I think they get the message because they choose to give me space, not talking to me or sitting beside me. I stare at the window, hating the palm trees we pass and large buildings. I just want to go back to a place where nothing mattered and I could do whatever I want as I pleased. 

The drive to the beach house is filled with them talking to each other, discussing a topic that I don't participate in no matter how hard one of them tries to include me. When we arrive at the house, I wait until everyone has gotten out, then I climb out as well, still not talking to any of them. 

Tears are still leaving my eyes as I walk past the house and towards the cliff. I don't want to go inside. I don't want to do anything besides forget everything around me. My feet lead me to the bench overlooking the cliff, but I walk past that as well. I don't want to remember Harry and my conversation there. I don't want to think of him at all.

I get to the very edge of the cliff and sit down, my feet dangling over the end. I don't look directly downwards as the fear of falling over would take over. Instead I focus on the horizon miles and miles away. The water's waves crash beneath me, the side somehow relaxing me. 

I hate today. There's no other words to describe today except for miserable. Why didn't the doctor pull me out of the simulation when things got too bad? I realize that the words I heard in my head while I stood on stage were just them talking, but I can't help but feel like it actually happened. That I was literally on a stage in front of thousands of fans, each and every single one of them broadcasting their hate and disgust towards me. I've gone through plenty of criticism and I always try to look past it, but there's just something about that event that drove me past breaking point. 

The lads. The other boys of this fucking boyband. They're supposed to be my best mates, the ones I can count on for everything. But they didn't even try to stop it from happening. Instead, they stood around me, playing the points of myself that they knew I can't stand. They exploited my weaknesses, made fun of my imperfections, and drove me to believe them. 

I know I'm not perfect. I know I'm not amazing or talented like any of them. I know that. I just thought and I hoped that they would look past that and accept me for me. 

But I guess not.

I wipe the tears away with the back of my hands, hating the feeling in my stomach. It's like a hollow feeling, a giant gaping emptiness that is no longer filled with the friendship I had with the four other boys. 

Nothing. Just an empty space.

Not a single one of the lads come out to try and comfort me and I'm slightly thankful for that. They probably all figured out that I just need time alone. I don't know how long passes before I make myself get off the edge, but the sun has already begun to set. I feel stiff as I get up, my body having not moved in hours. My face feels raw from the tears and I know I'm going to have puffy, red swollen eyes.