Back to Reality: Niall's Cancer Battle sequel

Chapter Ten: Understand

Chapter Ten: Understand

Jump.

The word whispers clearly in my mind, pushing me to just jump of the cliff. I don't know if I'll live, but that doesn't matter right now. Nothing matters right now.

My knuckles ache with the pain of knowing I hit Zayn. My head aches with the pain of voices, every single one telling me how imperfect I am.

I'm so fucked up.

I shut my eyes and take a couple steps back. When I open them again, I stare directly out at the ocean horizon line.

Jump.

I ready my body and breathe in the crisp, cool morning air. I take a step forward.

"NIALL!" My name is screamed from behind me, the sound raw and full of pain. It cracks with that single syllable.

I ignore it and keep moving forward, my mind set on automatic. I can hear screaming behind me.

Jump!

I get to the very edge, my feet so close to the end.

I shut my eyes and hold my arms outward.

"NIALL!"

The voice screams and something pounds into me just as I jump, throwing me backwards. Arms around me securely and I scream at the world, hating the way I'm held back. Held down.

"GET OFF ME!" I scream, my voice cracking but I have to get away. I have to jump. I have to leave this all behind. "GET OFF!"

"NO! NO, YOU DON'T GET TO DO THIS NIALL! NO!"

"GET OFF! YOU DON'T GET TO TELL ME NO. YOU DON'T GET A SAY IN MY LIFE! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!" I scream and suddenly I'm crying, my body heaving with the weight of tears. Every wracking sob scraping through my body, burning, hurting, ruining me.

I collapse backwards, his arms holding me securely and I recognize his voice as Harry's.

"Niall, calm down, breathe!"

"NO. NO. NO. NO. NO." That one word leaves my lips like leaves fall from trees. I shake my head rapidly, trying to fight against the tears. The world blurs and I hate it. "No. No. No. No."

But Harry doesn't let go. Instead he holds me tightly and whispers continuously about how everything will be alright. How everything will turn out fine.

But all I hear is his lies.

I curl into myself, a task that proves difficult since his arms are wrapped around my stomach, holding me anchored to the ground. I sob and cover my face with my hands, my tears spilling down my cheeks. I can't stop these tears and I don't think I want to.

It's like after you feel so fucked up, so broken down, all you want to do is cry. Cry and scream and cry some more.

After a few minutes, Harry slowly releases me. "Don't jump," he says.

I just nod and wipe my tear streaks away. I don't have enough will to jump anymore. I sniff and stand up, moving back towards the edge of the cliff.

"Niall-"

"I'm not going to do anything. I just want to sit," I reassure Harry and sit, dangling my feet over the edge. Harry joins me and we stare outwards together.

"This can't be your solution to everything," Harry says suddenly. I turn and give him a confused look. "You know, your escape place and such. This can't be your answer."

"What are you talking about?"

"Don't deny that you had thoughts of jumping off the cliff, Niall," Harry says sternly and glares at me with narrowed green eyes.

"I don't think I would have done it," I shrug. It sounds like a stupid thing now that I think about it.

"You would have if I didn't stop you," Harry insists.

I groan. "Why does it matter anymore? It's not like I succeeded! You stopped me. I'm still on the top. I'm still not dead. I'm right here. Why does it matter?!" I demand, feeling annoyance grow since he just won't let it go. "God, it was a low point. I get it," I snap.

"You don't get it at all," Harry whispers, his voice becoming a quiet sigh.

"What don't I get?"

"Nothing," Harry shakes his head and frowns downwards suddenly. I don't understand what's going on. "Look, just don't do something stupid that you're going to regret. Trust me."

"Trust you," I scoff. Unbelievable. After everything he has said to me, he wants me to trust him?!

"What?"

"Oh nothing," I wave it away.

"No seriously, what? Why did you say it like that?"

"Why are you always around?" I throw a question at him instead of answering his. "And why don't you own different clothes?" I just now realize that he wears the constant white shirt and dark jeans combination a little too constantly.

Harry suddenly starts laughing. "That's your concern? My clothing? I'll have you know that I like the way I dress."

"I do too, but it's a bit strange don't you think? You're a multi-millionaire and yet you're jeans have rips in them." To prove my point I stick my finger into a hole and touch his knee. "See?"

Harry laughs and shakes out his curls. "My clothing isn't important."

"Then what is important?" I ask him, looking back at the horizon. The sun has risen and the sky is a light pink. "The band? The music? The fans. The tons of screaming fans. Our families. They're important, aren't they?" I sigh and lay backwards to stare up at the sky.

"There are tons of important things, mate. Like remembering. That's important."

"I'm trying my hardest, Harry. But remembering doesn't come that easy. It's like trying to remember every word in a Harry Potter book. It's impossible."

Harry pulls his legs into him and stares down at me, his chin resting on his knees. I shut my eyes for a brief second and when I open them again, I gasp.

Harry has changed. He's no longer clean, dressed in his perfect regular attire. Instead his entire body is mashed up, bloody and raw. A section of his face is so torn up that I can see muscle and bone. His head is cracked open. His clothing ripped to shreds.

My heartbeat rises. What is happening?

This must be another hallucination. The doctor warned me about these things, but are they supposed to feel so real?

I sit up and scoot backwards, my eyes watering with fear and Harry just watches me with dead green eyes.

I feel suffocated, the air being pressed out of me as I stare wide-eyed at Harry.

Make it go away. Make the hallucination stop. Make him disappear.

I shut my eyes and open them again. Only this time, I'm completely alone.

What just happened?

A/N: sorry for a really short update! I've actually been working on this chapter forever but couldn't think. So I decided to cut it off there and post it.

What do you think is going on?

Dedication to @horaninmyheart because you got what I wanted to do; which is make people understand life and it's complications and actual plot twists. You saw how things can happen in real life because of something I wrote and that just makes me so happy. It's the biggest compliment someone can ever give me, to inspire them and actually teach them something through writing. So thank you <3

A lot of you said I Inspire you and that makes me want to crawl into a corner and sob my heart out because I feel like I'm succeeding.

Again, so sorry for the short update.

I love you all <3

Oh and yeah, I changed my username to ImagineKat !