Back to Reality: Niall's Cancer Battle sequel

Chapter Eleven: Remember

**This is a long chapter. You're welcome. ;)**



Chapter Eleven: Remember



One moment I'm watching Harry.

The next I'm staring at a different form of him; broken and ripped apart.

I blink and he's gone. Not a trace of him ever being around.

I shut my eyes and focus on breathing, forcing my mind to calm down and think. What is going on? Why has he disappeared like that? How can I he...poof.

I don't understand.

I open my eyes and suddenly am in a room. My thoughts pick up into overdrive and I stare at the long metal table I'm seated at. The bare walls. The empty chairs.

I'm back at the damn hospital, in the same damn chair I had sat in many times before.

I stare at my arms. They are bare, no wires at all.

What am I doing here?

"Hello?" I call out, panic rising my in my chest. Oh god, I'm trapped.

"Niall, you awake?" A voice speaks around me.

"Liam? What's going on?! Why am I here?!" I exclaim and try to stand up, but something is restraining me. Why can't I stand up?

God, my brain hurts.

"Don't struggle, it's a simulation. Or it was, but you aren't handling it as well as expected. Your progress is actually receding."

Female voice. Who is she?

"Receding? Like getting bad?" I exclaim, trying to get out of the chair but still not being able to. I look at my body, no strings around me. "What's going on?!"

"I need you to calm down. Your mind is trying to make sense of the situation."

"Stop telling me to calm down! I'm fine!"

"NIALL! LISTEN TO HER DAMN IT, THIS IS HER JOB. SHE SPECIALIZES IN THIS KIND OF THING. JUST LISTEN TO HER!" Harry's voice screams through the speakers, the desperation clear in his voice.

I shut my eyes and take a deep breath out. I have to calm down. I have to trust them.

I breathe slowly.

"Okay, now I need you to think about what you had gone through. What were you feeling? Separate the lies from the truth," the woman speaks clearly, her voice crisp and precise.

I think back as to what was going on. I was asleep right? I woke up from...from...

"I think I was asleep," I say.

"Okay, you were asleep. And then what?"

The image of Zayn laying on the floor crosses my mind. Blood on my knuckles and blood on the floor.

"I punched Zayn," I mutter. "Was that real?" I ask, opening my eyes and staring at the far wall.

There's a small pause. "Yes, that part was real," Harry answers, confirming something I'm not proud of.

I swallow. "Is he okay?"

"He had to get the inside of his mouth stitched. You hit him pretty hard, mate. Louis is with him right now," Liam tells me.

I feel shame build up inside of me. I did some actual damage to one of my best mates. I can't believe this.

"No one blames you, Niall. We all know you're going through a tough time and Zayn shouldn't have tried to wake you up," Harry says but it doesn't wipe away my worry or regret.

"Okay, Horan, pay attention. We need to access your memories," the woman speaks again.

"Wait, who are you?" I ask.

"Doctor Melissa Neamon. I specialize in brain functions. I've studied psychology and chemical makeup. Do I seem qualified enough?"

I nod. "Yeah," I say. I was only asking for her name, but it's nice to know she's qualified as well.

"So let's get a move on, shall we? Alright, so after you woke up, what happened?"

"I ran out of the house and found myself at the cliff. I wanted..," I trail off, the image of me standing on the edge filling my mind.

"You wanted?"

"I wanted to jump, but I was stopped." I lean back in my chair, stare up at the ceiling, and breathe out.

The feeling of being so hopeless floods into me, a heavy feeling that pulls down my heart. How could I have almost done that to the lads? To me?

"Stopped by who?"

"Did that actually happen?" I ask, staring at a far corner of the ceiling.

"Please answer the question," Doctor Melissa Neamon says.

"Harry, he stopped me," I say. A cold shiver runs down my spine.

"Memory is improving," she mutters and I picture her scribbling on pieces of paper, jotting down whatever information she seems to gather. "What happened next?"

"Next?" My sight narrows on the point of the ceiling. "Next Harry and I talked about..."

"About?" Melissa probes.

I frown. "I don't remember."

"Come on, Niall. Think harder. I know you know what you talked about."

I shut my eyes and think. God, I think so hard about a conversation I'm not even sure I actually had.

But nothing comes up. Nothing even hints as to what we might have talked about.

And it drives me absolutely crazy.

"I don't remember," I repeat.

"Think harder."

"I AM! I AM THINKING AS HARD AS I FUCKING CAN!" I scream and frustration builds. I slam my fists against the metal desk. I want to get to my feet but I can't. I can't get away.

Why?

"Niall, breathe, calm down."

"TELL ME WHY I'M FUCKED UP. TELL ME WHAT'S GOING ON. YOU HAVE A DEGREE RIGHT? YOU KNOW THE FUCKING ANSWERS! SO TELL ME! TELL ME! TELL ME!" I scream and the urge to cry hits me in the chest. A tight, restricting force that makes it hard to breathe.

"I think-"

"Shhh," Melissa snaps. "Niall, breathe deep breaths. Think about the cliff. The breeze and the sun over the horizon. Think about how you felt as you woke up. How you felt as you stared down at Zayn's body. The blood and the pain you had caused." Her voice is a calm whisper, demanding to be heard.

I find myself breathing deeply, the tenseness in my body disappearing with each inhale.

"Good," she whispers. "Now think."

Think.

Harry's arms wrapped around my body, anchoring me to the ground. His hold is meant for comfort but instead all I feel is disgust. I just want to get away from him.

"You would have jumped if I didn't stop you," his words travel back to me, not exact but with the same meaning.

"Why does it matter? It was a low point. I get it," my voice fills my mind.

"You don't get it at all."

I snap out of the memory as quick as it came. "What just happened?" I ask and look over at the wall I know they're behind.

I try to move but am restrained. I look down and see straps, binding me down to a chair. I feel like I'm about to be electrocuted.

Why didn't I see the straps before?

God theres just so many questions I have that I need answers to.

"So that's all you can remember? Harry says, 'You don't get it at all.'" Doctor Melissa Neamon tells me.

"I said that?"

"You did."

"Right now?"

"Right now."

I hang my head backwards over the chair and breathe out.

"Why is this happening to me?" I ask.

"Because your mind is susceptible to turning thoughts and even conversations into actual memories. Since you went into a coma, your mind has to repair itself afterwards. Unfortunately, your repair process has been jumbled as you confuse reality and fantasy."

"Am I really sitting in this chair?" I'm beginning to question everything.

"Yes."

"Are you a real doctor?"

"Yes."

"Why do I hallucinate?" I ask.

"Because your brain crosses memories and is urging you to remember something. I believe that there's something that happened while you were in the coma that your mind is trying to get you to remember. And I'm afraid things aren't going to get much better unless you remember," Doctor Melissa Neamon says, a hint of passion behind her words as she discusses my brain.

"So what actually happened today if I didn't actually stand outside on the cliff? What happened after I punched Zayn?"

Something must have happened otherwise I doubt I'd be sitting in this chair right now.

There's a pause and a loud scuffle.

"...better if we discuss this at home," Harry or Liam whispers. I can't tell from the static. It's like someone is blocking the mic.

After a brief pause, there's more rattling and Melissa gets back on the microphone.

"Harry and Liam have asked to tell you about it at home. They have gotten word of Zayn's recovery and he would like to leave."

"Okay," I say and glance down at my restrained body. "So are you going to take these cords off or not?"

There's a heavy pause. "Niall, there are no cords."

"What?" I gasp and look down.

Nothing. Just me and the chair.

"What?!" I exclaim, standing up immediately. "What?" I can't begin to wrap my mind around this. "WHAT?!"

"Looks like your mind believes you should be restrained. Are you violent?"

"No," I answer automatically.

"Ever lash out?"

"No-"

"-he has," Liam mutters and I feel weak in the knees.

There's a quick conversation that I don't catch. I put my hands on the cold metal table.

What?

"I'm supposed to be getting better right?" I ask out loud, staring at the space between my fingers.

"Yes."

"Then why does it feel like I'm getting worse?"

There's a sigh. "I don't know," Melissa whispers. "But I swear to help you through this, Niall."

I nod and straighten up. "Thank you," I mumble and walk towards the door.

Now all I want is to get out of here.


~~~~

When I'm taken home, I sit in the passenger seat, my head against the glass. Harry drives and keeps his finger on the radio dial, making sure to keep a constant stream of music on.

I stare up and out of the car, watching as we pass the palm trees. The never ending stream of palm trees. The sky is a light purple, almost darkening to a heavy black. I didn't realize how much had passed. Why is it that time goes by so quickly when I'm not thinking straight?

I sigh and pull my knees to my chest, sitting like a child in the front seat. Harry glances over at me and then back at the road. Behind me there is complete silence.

I look at the side view mirror and watch Zayn stare out his own window. His dark black hair is flat on his head, unusual for the older boy. His mouth is swollen with the stitches.

I can't believe I hit him.

I want to apologize for my actions but can't find the right words to do so. So instead I just keep my mouth shut and stare out at the California setting.

Oh how I miss Ireland.

Harry pulls into the driveway and we all get out. I notice the curtains are drawn and I wonder why.

Louis opens the door and when we walk in, I stare agape at the mess of the room. Pillows have been thrown across the room, vases broken and glass shattered on the floors. There's a smashed TV lying on the ground, it's screen a complete disaster.

I step in, walking around the glass. My jaw hanging open.

"What happened?" I ask, bending down to pick up a pillow. "D-did I...do this?"

The lads stay quiet and I look back at them. Zayn with his busted mouth looks ridiculous.

"I did, didn't I?"

"It wasn't entirely your fault," Liam starts but I cut him off, holding my hand up.

I shake my head. "Oh this is definitely my fault. If I wasn't so fucked up, I could remember what happened or maybe even why. And I don't want some sob story version or pity version of what happened here. I want the actual details. Everything. I want the truth," I say, tossing the pillow onto the couch.

The lads all nod and step in, glass crunching beneath their shoes. They sit on the couch, one of the only things in this room that has remained completely unscathed.

"You should sit for this," Louis mutters and nods at the single chair across from the couch. I sit down, looking at the four boys in front of me.

"So this morning, we had heard you screaming..."

I shut my eyes and listen to them, my mind picturing it as it's said.

The sound of screaming filled the boys' ears as Niall's terror echoed throughout the rooms of the house. They all flung open their doors, almost simultaneously, panic filling their eyes.

What was going on with Niall now?

Harry was the first at his door, opening it without hesitation. They ran to his side, watching Niall thrash on the bed. His blonde hair was matted against his head, the sweat evident on him and the dark red bed.

"What do we do?!" Liam exclaimed, his inexperience at this leaving him completely lost.

"We wake him up!" Zayn yelled, rushing forward to shake the screaming boy. "Ni-" his had had barely touched Niall's shoulder when his hand flew out.

The boys all stepped back, gaping at Zayn's suddenly still body on the floor. Blood poured from his mouth and they all stared at each other.

Niall sat up quickly, glancing down at Zayn's body. A quick recognition registered before he got to his feet.

At this point, the boys had thought he was awake, but one glance into his blue eyes would tell them that his consciousness wasn't their biggest problem. Not only was he dazed looking, but his black irises were widened, his blue eyes turning to an almost complete black.

Liam bent down to comfort Zayn and Louis followed suit, but Harry stood grounded, staring at the blonde.

And then Niall ran, racing down the hallways, screaming at the top of his lungs a steam of words that made no sense. Harry felt scared and confused but decided to run after him. Louis and Liam did the same after confirming that Zayn would be okay.

Downstairs, Niall tried to leave the house but Harry stopped him, pulling him back into the room. Niall lashed out, screaming at him about how fucked up he was. How fucked up everything was.

And then destruction hit. Niall grabbed a fire to d stick from beside the fireplace, using it to swing against everything I'm his path. Harry stepped forward to stop him, but Louis intervened, grabbing the curly haired boy by the hand.

"No, don't step in," Louis said sternly. "You saw what happened to Zayn. And he only had his fists."

So they stood back and watched Niall destroy, destroy, and destroy.

Tears streamed down Niall's face as he broke everything, crying out about the unfairness of living with four perfect boys. Four perfect guys that could do anything they want without being judged for it.

Niall broke everything, shattering just like his heart. There was nothing anyone could do but watch.

And when it stopped, Niall stood in the middle of the mess. He looked up slowly, his irises shrinking to normal size.

He looked around him, confusion as to what had happened. He lifted his hand up to notice the fireplace poker.

Niall drops it like it had been a snake.

His blue eyes met the eyes of the other three boys watching him.

And then he crashed down, fainting and blacking out.


"And then we took you and Zayn to the hospital," Louis concludes and I open my eyes. Shivers make my hairs stand up as I gape at the four boys in front of me.

It just felt so real.

I swallow down the lump in my throat and shakily get to my feet. They immediately shift forward, ready to stop me from doing anything I'd regret.

"Just don't do something stupid that you're going to regret."

I gasp at the recollection of Harry's words as we sat at the cliff.

But that didn't actually happen.

I shake my head and focus on the here and now, on reality.

And the reality is that I have a lot of cleaning to do.



~~*~~*~~*~~


That was an intense chapter for me. Was it for you? O:

Dedication to @MR_Undercover for everything you have told me, whether in that lovely comment you left me, or the messages you sent me. I love you too and I hope you succeed as a writer as well <3

On a serious note, there's a "Niall's Battle Against Cancer" story out there on wattpad THAT IS A PRACTICALLY EXACT REPLICA OF NIALL's CANCER BATTLE.

Now, I don't care if you want to write about cancer, hell go ahead. It's not AS EASY AS IT SEEMS. But to take my story? Yeah, thats rude.

I don't want anyone to give her hate though, but if she updates...I'm going to make sure it's taken down.

If you are her, I know you know who I am. You've voted for one of my other fanfics "Self Destruct." Great job.

Literally read the prologue lined up to my prologue. It's the same.

Anyways, long authors note I'm sorry but I was frustrated LOL.

Love you all <3

-Kat