How I Live Now { Perrciado }

Jaime Preciado

It's been 2 weeks. Two fucking weeks since i've seen or heard from Tony. Or anybody for that matter. Two weeks and I haven't left my bed. I don't go to school. People stare. All they do is stare.

Todays Jenna's funeral. I debateon going or not. She was my friend. Someone I met since the first day I went to school. She was an amazing person inside and out. There are so many things she hadn't done. She didn't deserve to die. None of the victims did.

I get up from my bed and slip on a black hoodie. I quickly slip on and tie my black and white converse. I grab my headphones and put them on and plug them into my phone. I put the hood up and head out into the hallway.

"Mom?" I call out

No response.

"Anybody.." I speak again

I sigh.

Nobody's home. I walk over to my moms room and start looking for her safe. My mom got one after we left. She stores emergency cash, important documents and other stuff in it. I cant find it. Fuck. I think and then it hit me. I run into the bathroom connected to her room. I open the cabinets below the sink and jackpot. I put in the combo. My dads birthday. To easy. Once its open my eyes land on it. I grab it and put it into my hoodie pocket. Hand on it. I shut the door with my free hand and run out to the front of the house.

I leave my house knowing I might not come back. I grab ahold of my phone and I scroll through my music. I decide to listen to Ed Sheeran's song Photograph.

I walk down the streets. Listening to his voice and the lyrics wondering if what I'm doing is crazy. It might seem impulsive but I know what the hell I'm doing. Right.. ?

I look down at my feet. Right, left, right.. walking is so simple. You put one foot in front of the other and you just go. Why cant life be so simple. Life is so complicated. Life is always putting hurdles in front of you and sometimes they come out of nowhere and sometimes we see them and we still keep walking towards it. That's what I did. I knew what I did was bad but I kept walking towards the hurdle.

I cant anymore. I'm walking towards the school and theirs these kids playing on their street. Their mom is on the porch smiling as she watches them play. They seem so happy. She spots me and her smiles fades, almost instantly.

"Kids! Inside now" she shouts at them and they run towards her instantly obeying her. She lets them go in first and then looks at me and shakes her head. She goes into her nice two story house slaming the door shut behind her. She and probably everybody in this crap of a town think the shooting was my fault. Maybe it was..?

Did I force Gabe to it? Probably. Did I put the idea in his head? Maybe..?

I shake my head and continue my way.

As I reach the school I cant help but think of Jenna. She was such a good friend and I betrayed her. I caused her death. Didn't I..?

Yes. You did  ' said a voice

What.. I did..

Yes Jaime, your a horrible person. '

Who are you.. stop. Leave me alone.

No. I am you. Your a horrible pathetic person.'

Stop.

Bastard and coward. Own up to what you caused'

I shake my head trying to ignore the voice and I'm finally at the school. I look at the entrance.  Their were candles, flowers and pictures of all the victims. I walk over and stand in front it.