The Ex's At War

Chapter 21 - The Route to Heal

"Do you get that?", he repeated with his thumb softly caressing my cheek.

Manik's words were like honey to my ears. Did he really mean that? He said he would not ever separate Manini from me. I was trying hard to believe him. His eyes looked into mine with genuine assurance. My eyes bore a plea for me to calm down and I was still exasperating for a whiff of breath, the whole emotional turmoil was taking a complete toll on me.  I tried to look elsewhere so that I could calm down but Manik's gigantic palms had clasped my face from either side. My silence was annoying him now.

"And and what was this stupidity that you were about to do? Why were you standing at the edge? I know you are hell scared so don't even think of lying and just tell me what were you up to? And where from did this crap land into head..who told you this bullshit", he was dead serious in demanding a reply to his questions.

Manik's rightful talks and behavior had never annoyed me so much as it was doing today. He well knew the reason behind my ridiculous behavior and still pretended to be ignorant. But I was in no mod to give in either.

"How does it matter to you Manik? You anyways think I am a horrible mother to Manini..I don't take care of her..I am negligent and irresponsible towards her...whatever happened was because of me..I don't deserve to have her in my life and so I don't deserve to live as well..Right??", I fisted his collar and spat out. The allegations on me sounded as accusations on him now

"What??? What shit are you talking Nandini? When did I say these things", Manik looked at me as if I had accused him of State terrorism. Mr. Malhotra had an one track brain which could conveniently skip his faulty behavior and only register my mistakes.

"Really Manik..if you don't think so then why didn't you let me go to Manini..why did you stop me?", I still couldn't forget his bare minimal words and his tone when he set his sole claim on Manini. Even if I knew Manik had uttered those words in anger but they were enough to shatter me at least. It made me feel all the more guilty.

"Uhh!! Come on Nandini...please for gods sake don't hold that against me...you know I freak out every time she gets hurt even if it is a little cut on her..you know that right...fine I agree I got a little carried away for the moment and lost my temper but that was just for that moment..but does that mean I would separate her from you...DAMN!! NO!!!", he tightened his grip on my arms to assure me of his words.

My tears were like a speeding car without brakes and every time Manik tried wiping it I jerked his hands off.

"You are lying now...just to pacify me.. I know you would have done it...you didn't speak to me...every moment of your silence killed me hundred times over..your words wouldn't have hurt me so much like your silence did", I blurted amidst my tear marathon and just for the sake of arguing. Manik tried to hold me again but I pushed him back. I wanted to let out all my frustration that had accumulated with me for so long.

"That was because I knew I was losing it and if I opened my mouth that time I would have only blurted nasty things Nandini", he kept his arguments ready in his defense.

"You had already said the most hurtful thing Manik and now all you are trying is to cover it up"

"Enough Nandini I am not going to take these baseless accusations from you..do you understand that...I have never tried to keep Manini away from you...I would have taken her long back if I wished to but..."

"But.. what but ...tell me Manik why did you stop... complete your sentence..you had pity on me..no let me put it in exactly your words...I am a big zero without you..whatever I am or I have is just because you made me and you gave me and so is Manini... right??"