Suicide Letters

Letter to my ex

(Cover done by the amazing @basicmint)
This is dedicated to @horselove7, I'm writing this story because she determined me to write a story similar to my other one so I hope you enjoy.

"We're all a little broken, and that's okay."

Dear Ex Lover,

Each night I put my head to my pillow. I try to tell myself I'm strong because I've lasted one more day without you.

Every day you call me up just to say that you never loved me. And every day I lay in my bed and turn my pillow black.

Maybe I was meant to be broken by you. Maybe all those nights I spent dwelling on your laughter. All the nights I spent obsessing over your gentle soft lips was just a path I had to take.

All I want to say is I love you but I knew that wouldn't change anything so I sit here in my room and cry.

I sometimes wrap myself in my blanket and pretend it's your arms. Because even though I won't admit it I still care.

I will lay my head on my pillow and I'll pretend it's your chest because even though I don't show it the thought of you is ripping me into two.

I pretend you never walked away from me. Because I know your happier with someone. And it's killing me.

I don't really know if I'm over you or if I'm just getting used to the pain. Every time I see you my heart does flips but my mind is yelling at you.

You didn't love me and I know that now. Maybe you were with me because you didn't want to be alone. Or maybe I made you fell good about your miserable life. But you didn't love me because you don't destroy the people you love.

You said we could be just friends but that would honestly break me in two. Because I'd have to watch you be with some one who doesn't deserve you.

I used to think you were the reason the sun shined. But after you left me you were the reason my eyes tear and my cuts bleed.

It's sad how much I still care about you. It's sad how silly things can break my heart. Like when you smile at her.

I just hope you treat her better than you treated me. Yes I'm broken but don't worry I'm used to the pain.

I'm not supposed to love you. I'm not supposed to care when your out with her. I'm not supposed to care where you are or what your doing. But I do because these feelings for you are drowning me.

I knew you were gonna leave me. I saw the way you looked at her. You looked at her like she created the earth. She was standing there with a bare face and a baggy sweatshirt, she was effortlessly beautiful.

I was there in my best clothes and a painted face and you still left me without giving me a second glance.

I try to keep my self busy so I don't have to think about you. But every time I pause the only thought that fills my head is you.

The thing that is killing me the most is that with each passing day I feel like I need you more. But with you I'm just a fadding memory that is soon to disappear.

I wasted so much time on you. I wasted so much nights. So much effort and opportunities.

I wasted so much kisses and so much love. All I wanted to hear is you say is I gave your life a meaning. But you didn't say anything.

You just walked away. You didn't explain why, you just left. I felt like we were in a movie. I screamed out for you but you didn't hear me, you didn't even turn around.

So when you get this note don't you dare come running to my grave. Don't you dare start missing me years from now. When you accidentally put to much creamer into your coffee and the light brown reminds you of my eyes. Don't you dare start to cry, don't you dare let your tears fall into your coffee. Because your the one that left me, and don't you ever forget that.
-Sincerely, The girl who still cares