11 Reasons Why You Shouldn't Die Because Of A Broken Heart

Omega

Have you felt like the world that you both made,is crumbling into pieces and all you can do is stare? Have you felt this indescribable feeling in your heart? It was painful,really really painful. Maihahantulad ko ito sa isang tao who undergo operation without anesthesia. Or maybe even worse. I feel like dying.

Everyday,I carry the weight of those heavy stares na binibigay sakin ng mga tao. Eto yung iniwan sa altar,ika nga nila. I still can't erase those pity I saw in their eyes that day. Pity that was directed to me. I still feel the pain like it was yesterday. I can still visualize everything that day. I can still remember how our smiling faces turned into tears that day. How I was hopelessly crying on the floor, how my father punched the wall because he couldn't see his daughter in grave misery and humiliation, how my mother wept and hugged me feeling sorry because she can't do anything to ease the pain. Lahat ng yan,tandang tanda ko pa.

Dalawang buwan. Dalawang buwan na rin nung lumipas ang araw na yun. Dalawang buwan na rin akong nagkukulong sa kwarto at umiiyak. Ayokong lumabas. Ayokong makita sila. Because they would all remind me na iniwan ako,na kinaaawaan nila ako.

Pinagmasdan ko ang wedding gown ko na nakasuot pa rin sa stand na nasa kwarto ko. Sa dalawang buwan,ni hindi ko pinahawakan ang gown na yan. Para bang nung naghahanda pa lang ako sa kasal,di ko rin pinapahawakan dahil ayaw kong madumihan. Seeing that wedding gown today at this state, wala. Wala akong nararamdaman. I feel numb. Kumbaga bugbog na bugbog na ako sa sakit na nararamdaman ko.

"Anak." Narinig kong sinabi ng mommy ako at tuluyan na ring nakapasok sa kwarto ko. Di ko siya tinignan. Nanatili ang paningin ko sa puting bagay na nasa stand. "Anak, gusto mo ba ibenta na natin yan?" Puno ng paglalambing na sabi niya.

"Wag." Yun lamang ang nasagot ko. Tinignan ko siya at marahil nabigla siya sa mukha kong walang kaemosyon emosyon. Nakikita ko na ang mga luha sa mata ni mommy. Umiwas ako ng tingin at ibinalik ang tingin ko sa wedding gown ko.

"Baby,dalawang buwan na rin. Wag naman ganito oh. Bumalik ka na sa amin ng daddy mo. Illea,anak." Umiyak na ng tuluyan si Mommy. Ngunit wala pa rin akong reaction. If I am the Illea two to three months ago,baka yayakapin ko si mommy at iiyak kasama niya. Pero hindi.

"Mom. Please leave." Yun lang ang sinabi ko sa kanya. Naramdaman ko naman ang paggalaw ng aking kama at pagsarado ng pinto.

I sighed then I looked myself in the mirror. I'm staring at the most lifeless eyes I have ever seen. Pale looking girl with bags in her eyes. She's thin. She's different, another person.

Xav is everything to me. I conquered everything because of him. He was there when life sucks and messy, when pressure squeezed me in the middle. He was always there when I need someone to lean to. He showed me the world, all the things in and on it. Because of him, I became Illea. The perfect Illea. Ako yun dahil sa kanya.

Ngayong iniwan niya na ako,di ko alam kung sino na nga ba talaga ako. Sure,I was little miss perfect nung kami pa ni Xav, pero ngayon? I don't know anymore. Everytime na I try to think of going back to my old self, everytime na I try to forget and pretend that it wasn't hurting me, all I can think about is,is Xav.

I want to be spared sa misery na ito. Everyday, kinakain ng sadness ang buong pagkatao ko,leaving me like an empty shell na isang pitik mo lang,mababasag. Ayoko na. I'm tired. No one prepared me for this. Akala ko nung una, exaggeration lang ng mga tao yung sakit pero hindi pala. Pain is true. Nasasabi kong OA pero nung ako na pala ang nasaktan, kinain ko lahat ng sinabi ko. Truth is, I'm miserable. And I don't want to live anymore.

I went to the bathroom. Pinuno ko yung tub ng tubig,enough for me to drown myself. Pero di naman ako mamamatay doon so I get a blade and slit my wrist, right where it should be the moment Xav left me. Napuno ng dugo ang tub and I closed my eyes.

I'm still aware of my surroundings. I saw my mom,shouting,crying,calling my dad. I felt someone lifted me from the tub and then numbness, darkness engulfs me. This is the end of me.