Waking up first, Lindsey couldn't stop his mind from racing, as he had Stevie in his arms, her facing away from him, her bare back glued to his front. He would be a liar if he said, he didn't want to be with her this way from the second he laid eyes on her, but there was a part of him, wondering if he somehow forced her into this, if she felt like she had to be intimate with him, just because he opened the door to his home for her. He certainly hoped that wasn't the case. No, he had truly fell in love with her in a ridiculously short amount of time. People around him were definitely going to question it, but he understood it wasn't just infatuation, it was way beyond that.
It didn't take long before Stevie started to stir, yawning, as she then turned on her back, looking at Lindsey, a glimpse of a smile on her lips. "Morning."
"Morning." He repeated, bringing up a hand to brush stray hair out of her face.
"Why are you looking at me like that?" She asked, when he didn't say anything else.
"I'm trying to figure it out, how on earth did I get so lucky to have such a beautiful woman with me."
"Oh stop that!" Stevie rolled on her side, hiding her face in his chest. "I'm not all that you make me out to be."
"No, you're a lot more." Lindsey added, starting to think that maybe he was wrong to worry, surely there would be no pillow talk if she simply felt obliged to be with him. "Can I ask you something? About last night?"
"Um, sure." She nodded, pulling away from him slightly so they could look at each other.
"After... you know... after we had sex, you just kind of jumped out of the bed, hurrying to the bathroom. Is it, like, because you regret it and you had to cry, without me seeing you?"
That caused her to laugh, although, seeing as Lindsey wasn't actually joking. "No, Lindsey." She shook her head. "I most definitely do not regret us sleeping together. If anything, it was quite amazing. I just didn't plan on it, so to say. I didn't think we'd do it so soon and, well, we didn't use protection... I had to go to the bathroom so abruptly, because I wanted to... wash up." Her cheeks turned pink, this wasn't something she wanted them to discuss in particular.
"Oh, so it was just that?" Lindsey asked.
"Yeah, just that." Stevie nodded.
"Alright, then can I ask you something else?"
Smiling, she let him, thinking how cute it was, that he had to make sure he was allowed to know one or the other about her, not wanting to offend her in any way.
"Does this mean you don't want kids? I'm not saying we should start trying or anything, that would certainly be the definition of moving too fast, but I just want to know."
Smile faded from her face, as she took a moment to reply. "I want kids, but... not long before you and I met, I had a miscarriage." Lindsey looked at her apologetically, having touched yet another touchy subject. "It's okay. Now anyway. Maybe..." Her eyes still welled up with tears. "I was five months pregnant when it happened. I know I'm not at the age to start having babies, but the doctor said with great care of myself, I could definitely carry a baby to full term. First time I got pregnant, with Brad's child that is, was about three years ago. I lost it in the first few weeks. We tried again soon after that, miscarried at seven weeks. I told him that was enough heartbreak for me, so we stopped. My doctor said it was a wise choice, because my body definitely needed a break. So, when I got pregnant this time, I really didn't know what to do... Of course I wanted it, but at the same time, I couldn't stop myself from thinking, what if the outcome is the same? But Brad convinced me that we should keep it. Things were going a lot better, I made it through the first trimester, I made it through four months... then, I went for a checkup and I was told that... that there was no heartbeat. So, even if I want to have a baby more than anything, I really don't think I could survive another loss."
Pulling her into his arms, Lindsey sighed, shaking his head. "I don't understand how so many terrible things can happen to one person."
"I ask myself that too, I ask, why me, but I guess, I had to have done something horrible to deserve this."
"But you don't, Stevie. You don't deserve any of it." Pressing a kiss to her forehead, he held her close, as they lay in silence.
"Don't you want to have more kids?" Stevie then asked.
"I do, but only if it's meant to be."
His answer brought tears to her eyes again, thinking to herself that she could come up with what bad she had done to deserve everything that had happened to her, but what good had she ever done to be blessed with someone as wonderful as Lindsey, coming into her life, that was the question she honestly had no answer to.
