Impractical One Shots - Joker(X)Joker

I cant.. (Pt 2) - VulQuinn

Quinn's PoV

For the past two weeks I've been pulling away from Sal, I asked him out to dinner tonight, just the two of us cause I needed to spend time with him, I missed him, but I felt torn, torn between my feelings and my fear. I couldn't even look at him, knowing what I was going to do I just couldn't look at him. I knew the way I was being with him was destroying him, I knew he loved me, I knew how much he felt for me, I've known since the moment our lips met for the first time. And from that moment I knew that i loved him, oh I was so completely in love with him, but I couldn't be, I wasn't ready for this. It was too scary and I am a coward.

"This place is nice.. " I heard sal almost whisper in an attempt to break the silence between us.

"yeah.." Was the only reply I could manage.

Sal sighed and stared down at the plate of food in front of him, I knew he was wondering what the hell was going on, i knew he was wondering if something had happened? If he had done something? My heart was breaking, watching the hurt on his face, the hurt that I was causing, but I knew it was for the best, not forever but for right now. We hadn't been together very long but it was already the most serious relationship I had ever had. It was new, he was the first and only man I had been attracted to, the first person k had ever loved so hopelessly. We hadn't told each other that we loved each other, and I'm thankful for that cause if I heard him say those words it would make this so much harder to do.

We finished our meal and left, got into my car and i drove to his house. The drive was silent, the walk from the car to Sal's front door was silent and the first five minutes of us being in his house was silent.

"Brian, what's going on with you? What's wrong?" Sal questioned, sitting on the chair across from me at his dining table and reached his hand across to rest on mine but i quickly pulled my hands away from him. I knew it killed him, I knew I was hurting him which is why I knew I had to do this.

"I..I can't do this Sal, I'm sorry but i can't be with you" i spoke softly, not able to look him in the eye, I turned my face away and closes my eyes tightly, trying to escape the hurt look in his eyes.

"What.. You don't mean that Brian, I know you don't mean that.." His voice cracked as he spoke shakily.

"Sal I can't I'm sorry, I just can't." I almost whispered in response.

He stood from his seat at the table and he walked round to my chair, kneeling in front of me, I felt him place his hands on either side of my face and turned my face around to meet his, I squeezed my eyes shut aftaid of what I'd see, the touch of his hands on my face made me flinch at the contact and i knew how much it broke his heart..

"Brian, please, don't do this.. You can't do this" Sal's voice pleaded in the silence, I opened my eyes and watched as tears streamed from his eyes. My heart broke into pieces, I was the cause of this.

"Sal.." I tried to interject.

"No Quinn, you can't leave me. You can't leave me because I am in love with you, I am so hopelessly in love with you.." He sobbed as he leaned up to rest his forehead against my own. I absentmindedly raised my hands to rest on either side of his face, pulling his face away from mine a little as my eyes searched his, I knew I was braking him, it's for the best I kept telling myself internally it what needs to be don't just now I thought. I opened my mouth in order to speak but words escaped me, I couldn't stop looking into his eyes, I saw love, and pain, lots and lots of pain. I wanted oh so badly to tell him how completely in love with him I was, but it was too much too soon, I needed space, I needed to let go, if I held onto him is destroy him. I needed to sort myself out, I needed to let go.

"Sal..I.." I stared into his eyes and started, before sighing, letting him go and standing up from my seat.. "I'm sorry. I can't. I'm not ready for this." I all but whispered and with that I turned quickly and walked away from him.. From our relationship, from the love of my life.

I got into my car and completely crumbled, my heart shattered into a billion pieces and I almost ran back into the house to scoop him into my arms and tell him I didn't mean it, that I was ready, that I wasn't going anywhere. But I couldn't. I couldn't do that to him. I only hoped he would wait for me, I only hoped he could forgive me.