16.

103 6 5

by cheetobes

by cheetobes

March 17th // 9th day

R I L E Y

As soon as I woke up the next day, I immediately rolled out of bed and made my way to the guest room, opening the door just a crack to see Jade wrapped up in the comforter, looking much like a human burrito. I couldn't help but smile.

"Wakey wakey, Jadey poo," I said in an obnoxious voice, using the nickname that she absolutely despised, but I couldn't blame her for hating it so much. "It's a new day, my love."

She let out a loud groan as she desperately tried to scoot as far from me as possible, being careful not to scoot too far and end up falling off the bed like last time. "Leave me alone, Ri. I'm tired."

I threw myself onto the empty space right next to her on the bed and just let my arms absentmindedly find her waist, so that I could pull her closer to me, her back against my chest, as the ends of her hair tickled the exposed skin that wasn't being covered by my rather thin tank top.

Morning cuddles were definitely my favorite. It was always calm, and the atmosphere was lighter than usual as the first few rays of morning sun leaked into the room through a crack in the dark-colored curtains. I simply loved holding Jade in my arms during the AM hours because there was just a totally different feeling to it. I don't think I'd ever be able to explain it in words, but it just felt really nice. Nicer than nice.

I felt her shift in my arms, rolling over to lay on her other side, so now she was facing me. There was a little bit of dried drool on her chin, but I didn't care one bit. She looked beautiful with her messy hair, and her mouth slightly open as soft snores escaped every now and then, making me chuckle lightly at each one I'd hear, and just the sight of her in such a natural and serene state made me feel at peace. It made me feel like nothing in this world could ever take away what I had. Ah, but I was wrong. Because there was a hole in her heart and she was a ticking bomb. One wrong move and she'd detonate and I'd be the first to get hit by the blast. There was a timer attached to her life and I've given up on trying to freeze the time. I wasn't born with superhuman powers. I couldn't do great things like save lives, but I hope the things I was doing were good enough to make her life count.

"Riley," her soft voice said as I realized my position had changed as well while I let my thoughts run freely. Now, my face was buried in the crook of her neck as both of my arms wrapped tightly around her and my large hands rested on her back, the fabric of her shirt (which was actually one of mine) was bunched up into both fists. "I know what you're thinking about."

"I just don't want to lose you," I cried softly, my words muffled and I felt the first tear roll down my cheek. I sat up, never moving my head or my arms, as Jade sat comfortably on my lap. "You have no idea how much I need you, Jade."

The first circle she rubbed onto my back made me feel bad about myself because people only ever did that when they knew someone was weak. The second brought the slightest wave of calmness over me. And the third never came as I felt her cold fingers rest lightly on my jawline, gently pulling my face away from her neck.

I couldn't even look her in the eye. I just bit my lip, hoping to draw some blood. All I needed was a distraction painful enough to replace the utter heartache I felt inside, but nothing seemed to work as I found myself physically wincing with each pained heartbeat that vibrated throughout my whole body.

"Please don't cry," she cooed as she wiped some of my tears away with her thumb, but to no avail because they just kept falling faster and harder with each minute that passed. I could no longer breathe through my nose because of my constant sobbing. Instead, my mouth was producing ragged breaths of pure sorrow and no matter how hard I tried to stop, I just kept imagining my life once Jade was gone. It was too much for me. I knew I was going to break down sooner or later and this was it.

"I'm – really try – ing not to – cry," I choked out, placing my hands on top of hers, which were resting lightly on either side of my face. She was reassuring me that she was still there and that she wouldn't be going anywhere for the moment. "It's just – shit – I don't think I can –"

"I know, Ri."

"Why – couldn't it just – be me?"

"Because you're far too precious," she replied, placing her finger under my chin to lift my head up, so I'd finally meet her eyes. Even during such a depressing moment, a smile still spread across her face. It was small, but it was there and it made me cry even harder than before because how could someone still be happy at such a grave time. "The world can't afford to lose you yet."

"And what about you?" I asked, surprised that I formed a complete sentence without choking on my sobs. "You're precious too. Why can't the world keep you here with me?"

She simply shrugged at my question before wrapping her arms around me and I ended up disintegrating at her touch. "I can see right through your façade, Ri," she said playing with the hair on the back of my neck. "I've noticed, these past few days, you've been trying so hard to put on a strong face, pretending that you're not fazed by this whole thing, but I know you are. I know you care. I know you're scared. I know how much this is killing you."

I didn't even bother replying because I knew that I was simply meant to listen and not respond. It wasn't in my place to interrupt her, and honestly, I was just too tired to answer. Everything she was saying was true and there would be absolutely no point in denying every single fact that left her mouth.

"It's okay to be weak, Riley," she blurted out, pulling away from me, her palms resting on my chest, and I caught a glimpse of her engagement ring, glimmering as it caught some light. The sight of it on her finger made me smile slightly and the tears seemed to be coming to a stop. "You shouldn't be scared of vulnerability and you definitely shouldn't push away the people who want to help you."

I thought about it for a while, processing every word and piece of advice that had left her mouth and then I smiled at her because that was exactly what I needed and she didn't hesitate to return my smile. I just needed to hear those words. All my life, I'd been told to be strong and never let myself falter, but today, I did the exact opposite of everything I've ever known.

Jade made me fall apart, but she had and always will be able to put me back together, even when she was no longer around.

a/n: HOLY JEEZEDANWRINN IM ACTUALLY IN TEARS. REAL TEARS ARE ROLLING DOWN MY FACE WTF RILEY BREAKS MY FOOKIN HEART

THIS WASN'T MY PLAN FOR THIS CHAPTER AT ALL HOW TF DID I WRITE THIS IN ONE SITTING THIS NEVER HAPPENS.

basically 1 AM + pure exhaustion + really loud emo music = THIS CHAPTER

PLEASE DONT TELL ME IM THE ONLY ONE WHO'S AN EMOTIONAL WRECK AFTER THIS

BUT AYE THE SADDEST IS YET TO COME oh and there's gonna be a little surprise in the next few chapters.

anyways, imma just shut up now and rock back and forth in the corner until i run out of tears bye friends