No more running and I walked slowly in the ocean. This time I actually felt the waves hit my ankles. This it felt like I was actually there. He turned around and I felt the sand begin to sink and I begin to sink with it. I reach out to Geoffrey expecting his hand to hold on, but he doesn't I fall anyway. I watch the water go over my face and I begin to choke.
My phone was still ringing but of course I didn't answer it. I had 10 missed calls from my sister and 2 missed calls from my mother. I get out of bed and call my mother back. I heard the phone pick up and I wait for my mothers yell.
"Nicole, How dare you?!?" I roll my eyes and let her go on with her complaint.
"Mother, she slept with my husband." I heard her stop speaking and inhaled sharply. Exactly always trying to get on me when she doesn't know the full truth. I waited for a response, but nothing. I still kept waiting and not a peep from her.
"Why? Why would she do that to you?" I don't know mother because she's a complete bitch. She doesn't like me at all. She wants to see me hurt.
"I don't know mother. All I know is she got what she deserved." I heard shuffling over the phone. I got up and went to the bathroom. I brushed my teeth and waited again.
"Why would you stay with him? knowing that he's a sick twisted son of a bitch and he's coming between you and your sister." I can't believe my mother just said he came between my sister and I.
"He didn't come between anything. We've never been close. She was always spoiled and it was by you. She would sleep with him to hurt my feelings. At least he didn't do it to hurt my feelings at least we know he is mental." I hang the phone up and I go to the kitchen. I go out to the living and sit out in the couch.
Oh my God Geoffrey's not here. I was stupid to think he would even be here. It was just an intimate moment we shared when he put the lotion on my body. Of course I was over thinking and I should've known he wouldn't have stayed. This time I'm really wondering if he's coming back.
I keep waiting for that door to open otherwise I might go crazy if it doesn't. Finally the door opened and I smiled at him. He sat near me and I rubbed his back.
"My mother called and said you came between me and my sister. I almost died in laughter at her stupidity. My sister and I have never been close." I laugh and he laughs with me. He holds my hand and I put my head on his shoulder. We sit there in silence and I love it.
I get up and begin to make myself some tea. I put some honey in it and stirred it in. Geoffrey was oddly quiet and he went to his coat pocket. I turned around not caring what he had. I grabbed my tea and began to drink it. I hear a sound on the counter and I look back and saw papers and a pen.
I walked slowly to it and Geoffrey looked at me. I knew what it was and I felt my heart beat speed up.
"You're a lucky man." I walked out the kitchen and towards the back door. I looked back at him and he seemed confused.
"How Nicole?" I heard him sigh and he seemed a little impatient. He would be impatient.
"You get to leave anytime you please. As much as I love you I know it's time for you to leave." He comes near me and grabs my forearms looking me straight in the eye.
"I love you Nicole, but I can't keep hurting you this way." I shook his hands off of me and I looked up at him. I feel my heart speeding up even more.
"So you'll just leave me and let me go." he didn't say shit and I just stared at him. All he's doing is staring.
"And you just watched me DRIFT AWAY AND SUFFER EVERY SECOND!!!" I pushed him and grabbed my tea and began to drink my tea. I looked at him and saw my vision blur by tears.
"GO! GO! GO AWAY I'LL SIGN THE DAMN PAPERS! Your brother was RIGHT I am stupid for staying with you and loving you. To even think I put up with it for FOUR YEARS! GO LEAVE!"
"You really are just like the wind blowing wherever you please. I'll forever love you. You can leave now." I watched as he stared and he turned around. I began to break down and he left the house slamming the door behind him. I threw the cup at the door watching it break.
I sank down to my knees and cried. I yelled out and cried. I crawled and grabbed the counter and stood myself up. I looked at the papers and threw them. I grabbed a cigarette and lit it. I picked up my phone and called Michael. He answered immediately. I didn't give him time to speak.
"Michael he handed me the papers and said he didn't want to hurt me anymore. He's gone and I don't know what's going on inside my head, but I feel like I might go crazy and I feel like I'm hyperventilating." I took a breath hoping to calm myself down. I took another drag of my cigarette.
"I'm on my way babygirl." I hung up and I feel myself breaking down. I go to our.... My room and go to the closet and began to throw his clothes everywhere. I find his camera and I go back out to the living area and I hook it up to the t.v. I watch as it plays the time we were at the beach and I begin to cry even more.
It played the video of when we were just married and he recorded everything. I turned up the volume and watched. I laughed at the parts that were funny and I was upset by looking at the videos. I feel myself go numb and I stand up and go to the kitchen. I found a bottle of vodka.
I grab my prescribed pills for my sleep. I go out to the living room and sit near the couch on the floor. On the screen I see the video of my first show. I take another drag of my cigarette. I dump all the pills out and take them downing them with vodka. I lay down and hear my answer to the life and death question. I feel my heart speed up. I feel everything close around. I've been trying to run away from death even in my dreams. I can't believe it has taken me this long to figure out these dreams.
Geoffrey really never held on to me these past few months. He really did let go. I feel my world closing in and I watch as the cigarette smoke leaves my cigarette. I feel my self getting woozy and I'm drowning in my sorrow. I feel myself dying slowly.
"Life is a journey that we take and death is just another journey and I hope that when that journey comes for me it's peaceful and there is no struggle."
-Magdalena Florencia Luna Banks Jiménez-Vargas
