a messy canvas

I'm Proud of You [Tronnor]

Saying sorry came like second nature, even when circumstances didn't call for the phrase to be uttered. Truth be told, no one could find the sprout of when or how the habit took root. Only the very boy who apologized too often was capable of pinpointing where it all began.

He would always tell himself to never break the truth to anyone, the source of this nervous habit wasn't important enough to burden others with. Taking the weight over this pitiful subject was the least he could do, right?

Now is where he figures out not all barriers are indestructible.

They just had to see right through his mask.

Breakdowns occurred often for him, as much as he hated admitting it. He was usually capable of holding in his muffled cries until he reached the safety of his bedroom, where only his walls took witness to how much self hatred the eighteen year old contained in his fragile bones.

Now the catastrophe couldn't be withheld any longer and his pieces were too shattered to be temporarily mended.

Converse skidded across the hallway tiles like sparks seconds away from igniting into fireworks. The slam of the bathroom door could be heard like echoes within a cave. As enough space was gained to claim as his own, the crash of his back against the locked door of the worn stall was significant enough to suck the air out of your lungs.

Just as the silence was rippling through his veins, a voice tore apart his perfected system.

"Troye?"

"Please just get the fuck out of here.." he spat.

" I can't just watch mindlessly as you carefully tear apart the makings of yourself." they remarked calmly. "Just let me help, please."

"I'm sorry, I'm not worth saving."

"You've never been more wrong."

"I'm sorry to burst your bubble Franta, but I'm a being with no benefits to bring to the table."

"I can't do this anymore.." they spoke softly as they picked the lock to the worn bathroom stall to release Troye from his barrier. "You're not a lost cause, I see a soul wise beyond his years with knowledge bursting to escape deep within those kaleidoscope eyes."

"Don't you get it Connor?" Troye retorted in defeat. "I'll never meet those wondrous expectations implanted in your mind, I'm sorry!"

"Damn it Troye Sivan, why do you apologize when there's no need?" Connor responded with a sigh. "Why did the world have to batter you this brutally?"

"I-I'm sorry.." Troye muffled as tears began to form. "S-Shit.."

"I'm the one who needs to say sorry Troye, the last thing I intended to do was to make you cry."

"I've n-needed to go for quite some time, I'm just sorry you have to see me l-like this." Troye admitted, the salty drops starting to go down his cheeks.

"It's okay, what is it that you've been holding on to for so long?"

"I-I.."

"You don't have to tell me if you're not comfortable.." Connor started until the boy shook his head.

"I just..I've never opened up to anyone before.."