Storytime

Chapter 18-Impulses

Ryan POV:
"What the fuck are you doing?" I yell, standing and tearing her away from him. Her eyes glitter with tears as I throw Joe to the ground.
"You bastard!" I yell, my fist colliding with his face. I hear her scream once again.
"Ryan! You'll kill him!" I growl at her, grabbing his collar. I don't care what happens to him. What the hell did he think he was doing?
"Ryan!" I hear her sobbing but I drown it out, slamming his head against the ground. He doesn't scream. He barely flinches. And that just makes me madder.
"Tell my sister I love her..." I land one final punch and I hear a long breath escape from his lips. He chose them as his last words. His sister? But... His sisters dead. Isn't she?

My head spins. I stare blankly at my hands, my body burning. Blood. Blood spread all over my fingers. All down my arm. All over him. Oh god what have I done? Look at me! He didn't do anything wrong. He didn't... Shit! He was innocent. He was innocent. Now I'm the guilty one.

My whole body drowns in shame and guilt. He lost his sister because of me. Now he's dead because of me. My eyes burn as I cradle his head in my arms. I didn't even know him yet here he is, lying dead in my arms. I can't bear to look at my sister. She didn't love him, I know that much but... I just killed her girlfriends brother... Right in front of her eyes... God knows what she thinks of now... God knows what she'll think of me when I tell her... My tears stream over the hairs on his sweet head. My arms hold his shoulder and I shake them once in a moment of madness. I wish he would wake up. I wish none of this had ever happened. If she had never found out, he wouldn't be dead and neither would she oh god... What have I done?

Illeya POV:
Madness. Everything spirals into black and I watch the body shake. Ryan cries as the blood spills over him. The world we both knew comes crumbling down and we are left with fear and guilt. His fear is in no way alike to mine. I don't know what his fear is. But mine? I can't help being afraid of him, of what he's become. I am afraid of what is to come next. I am afraid for him. I am afraid of Joes last words. But I am just as guilty as him. I let him kiss me. Why? Why the hell did I do that? But, did he really deserve to die for that?
Ryan's tears cease. He places the body back down on the cold hard floor, the blood now dry. I watch him shiver and his lips quivers in despair.
"What have I done?" I hear him mutter. I watch him as he slams the ground in fury. Each time he does, I flinch.
"Ryan..." He cries out and continues punching the floor.
"Ryan stop! You're scaring me!" I breathe sharply, my heart racing. When he finally stops, he looks up at me with those irresistible, sorrowful eyes. His pupils are wide. Whether that is fear or pain, I don't know. And part of me doesn't care. He reaches for me but I pull back, my back hitting the wall.
"Don't... Don't touch me." He bites his lip and I see the tears pour out again.
"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry..." His eyes are misleading. I can't tell whether he is apologising to me or to Joe. I can't even bear to say his name. As much as part of me longs to comfort him, I am consumed by this deepening horror, this darkening despair towards his act of malevolence. He killed Joe. We can't deny that. I know he'll never forget that. The real question is, can I forgive him? I didn't really know Joe but... He killed him. It should be so simple but it's far from it.

"I'm a monster!" He cries.
"Don't say that."
"But its true!"
"No. Its not."
"I killed him! I killed Joe!"
"And you can admit that. That's okay."
"Its not okay!" He slams into one of the trolleys and the medical equipment clatters to the ground. The rest of the area stares at us, their mouths wide with shock.
"Ryan stop! Is this really what you want to become?" This stops his heavy and infuriated breathing. He glares at me, clenching his fist every now and again. Once again, I move back from him, afraid of what those murderous fists will do to me. He closes his eyes and bites his lip again.
"No. No! I won't become him. I won't." I know exactly who he's talking about.
"Come here." I say as I watch his defences fall away.
"I can't sis. I can't."
"Why not?"
"I'm not who you think I am."
"I know what just happened is a shock but-"
"It's not that."
"Then..."
"I'm so sorry."
"Whatever it is, you can tell me."
"I know you'll leave me. I can't be alone again. Please."
"I'll never leave you."
"Promise?"
"Promise." He sighs.
"You think you're afraid of me now. You haven't seen anything. God, you're going to hate me. You're going to hate me so much."
"Ryan? Please."
"I didn't mean for this to happen. You have to know that."
"Mean for what...?"
"I..."
"Ryan you're scaring me,"
"I'm the reason Josie's dead, okay? I'm the reason she never woke up!"

"You can't be. They said it was an accident."
"It was all planned. Josie was murdered."
"What? No. But... How can that be your fault? You were with me..." Then it hits me. All this was because of two men. Who had hidden Ryan from me for years.
"Sis I..."
"You were working together? With them?"
"No I... Not like that. I don't know exactly how Josie died but... I taught your dad everything I knew about things like this. I taught him everything about combat. Everything about poisons and weapons and how to make things look like suicides."
"But... That's impossible... How could you have known all that?"
"Your uncle taught me."
"Why would you do that?"
"He never told me why he needed to know all of that. He never told me it'd be used-"
"For murder." I want so badly not to blame him. But he's a part of this. He's a part of Josie's death. And that's the one thing I can never forgive.
"Get out."
"What? But you promised."
"So did you! Get the fuck out of my sight!"
"Sis, please!"
"I'm not your sister! As far as we're concerned, you're not family to me! Get away from me! Get away!" My last words turn into sobs as Ryan stumbles away. I hear him mutter one last 'sorry'. Now who's the monster?

I try to process it. But how can I accept this? My own brother. My own dad. I should have known. Of course he would have something to do with it. That's just the type of person he is. Why did I ever believe him? I should've known it was too good to be true-
"Well hello Illeya. Fancy seeing you here." A large shadow is cast over the bed as another body slumps to the ground. The blade rests in his hand and I watch the blood pour from the boys neck. But he's not just a boy. No. No no no! Oh god. Oh god oh god what have I done? This is all my fault.
"Ryan!" I scream. Looking frantically around, I notice everyone else's necks bleeding.
"They were innocent! Why?"
"Couldn't have them blabbing to the police now could I?" As those words come out of his mouth, I struggle to breathe. My lungs give out on me and the last thing I see is his evil smile and the blade running down my body.