Borrowed Wings (Phan fiction)

Chapter twelve

(Warnings mentioned: Swearing, insults and aquaphobia)

"I love you, Daniel James Howell." Whispered the unfamiliar voice. "I respect what you do and I understand you being sad and suicidal." 

"You do?" Dan responded back with a quiver. A sweat fell from his forehead, but he didn't move an inch to wipe it off. "How do you understand me? I'm not depressed or suicidal! Maybe I'm just sad because I could've chosen another job besides having my body fucked by unfortunate men."

"Oh Dan," chuckled the voice, "You do know that you're closely to become an incurable alcoholic. Drowning in intoxication while trying to find a brink of happiness leading to you."

"Yet," Continued the voice. "You swim in intoxication to nothing. Have you ever thought of dying? Because you died from the search of happiness?"

"Wait, where am I?" Dan looked around and ignored the voice's question. He was no longer in a beach house with his so called beloved Phil Lester. Phil never proposed to him. It was all his stupid alcohol playing with his mind. Asking questions and dragging him down to a void he once called hell.

The voice clicked the roof of their mouth in disappointment for 3 times. "Why are you scared, baby boy? I just want to spend time with you. Hey! Don't go!" 

"Phil!" Dan cried out, rumbling ground from the cliff made him fall and now he was hanging onto something with a rocky and sharp texture. Then, he let go when he couldn't hold it much longer. "Help me please!" He shouted on the top of his lungs until his voice became sparse and his throat started to sore.

"Ungrateful slut." The voices roared in anger. Winds whooshing, blowing off the air strongly against the helpless Dan Howell. "I'm here to love you, but you're being very picky. I don't like it."

"Drunkard."

"Slut."

"Faggot."

  "You should've listened to Mama Howell. She knows what's right."  

"Confused."

"Bisexual isn't real."

 "Poor you, Jake made you bi."  

"Phil Lester never loved you."

"Stop it!" Dan yelled repetitively as he covered his ears. Tears streaming and his breath hitches. "I know he never loved me. I know i'm confused and I just need someone to love me. Maybe girls aren't suited to love me. Just fucking stop!"

The wind sharp sounds slowly faded. "Aw baby boy, are you alright? I didn't mean it." Dan felt a gentle caress on his cheek but he shrugged it off. He wasn't in a mood to feel better by some unknown asshole.

"I didn't mean it."

Dan felt a grab on his head. He tried to escape but his entire head went underwater.

"I didn't mean it."
 
His face forcefully submerged in water. He splashed around in panic.

"I didn't mean it."

He fought his way to breathe but a force made it impossible to find air. 

"I didn't fucking mean it."

Dan splashed around vigorously and screamed, only to realize he was in his own home. His clothes and hair were already soaking wet and the bathroom water has been running since the last hour. "Ah fuck." He thought of his water bills rising up. Dan stretched, feeling the sore in his muscles as he turn the knob to stop the water running. 

He looked over his full tub and large splash of water fell into the flooded bathroom. He spotted an alcohol bottle half floating and spinning around. He laid back where a blob of water spilled from the tub. He closed his eyes and listen to the soft waters dripping and the bottle clinking against the tub.

He felt the composure surrounded with water when he slowly submerged water down to his chest. His knees bent as his tall figure couldn't stretch more in his tiny tub. Finally, he reached back into reality.

It was only a dream.