*****Dinah's POV*****
I heard a knock at the door, and I immediately assumed it was Camila. To my surprise, it wasn't her. "Can we talk?" Lauren decided to be here with me instead of her best friend. "I don't see why not. As long as it's not you defending Camila and her dumbass idea then we're-." Lauren cut me off, "I agree with her."
I can't believe this shit right now. This is my baby. MINE. I don't know why people don't realize that. I'm the one carrying the baby. Sure; my hormones are all over the fucking place but I should still have a say.
"She didn't ask me to come here, Dinah. I wanted to talk to you on my own." By the time I had gotten out of my own head, Lauren was sitting next to me. "I know you will do nothing but love this child, but that might not always be enough. This baby deserves a stable home. A stable childhood."
I just scoffed and sat myself up, ready to argue. "Some holidays, all my family had was love. And that was always enough. You don't need fancy toys and a privileged life to be successful. My parents worked hard as hell and made me the person I am today, so why can't I do the same? Why can't Mila and I do the same?"
She grabbed my hand and signed heavily. "I know you feel entitled to hold on to this child. It's been so many months with the baby here every step of the way. I'll never I understand how that feels, but I respect how strong that bond could be. But you're only 18. Mila only 19. How is that fair to either of you?"
I didn't want to hear about fair. Nothing in my life has been fair. "Life isn't fair, Lauren. I live that unfair life. My parents were never home cause they had to work all the time to get by. I share a room with 3 other siblings, who I practically raised half of the time. And then, I finally get my big break on XFactor. And we got a career. And then I got assaulted in a dressing room. But I got Mila in exchange. But then I got raped, knocked up, and kidnapped. But then I get to come home and have my child, Lo. Everything that has happened has happened for a reason. I want to have a say for once. When I say yes, it's yes. And when I say no, it can finally be no."
I didn't realize I had been crying until I had finally finished my rant. "Dinah..." Lauren trailed off in thought, trying to find the words to say. "You don't know what it's like, Lauren. To never have a choice. Other people decide everything for you. What you wear. What you do with your career. What your body should be used for..." She leaned forward and wiped the tears off my cheek softly. "I just want a chance... To have a voice. A say in what happens to what belongs to me."
She nods understandingly and rubs my hand lightly. "I had no idea how you must feel. I wish I could understand so I can help you, but I can't." Lauren didn't show emotion too often, so you knew it was serious when she did. She balled into her hands, her whole body shaking from her sobs. "Come here Lo."
She looked up at me with her teary and wide grayish-green eyes. I moved over and patted the side of my bed. She moved next to me and we held each other. Neither of us said much. It was mostly just crying on Lauren's part. I couldn't help but join into the pity party we were throwing ourselves. So we didn't talk. Just cried for a while.
"I'm sorry" she sighed, wiping her eyes. "I'm supposed to be comforting you." I smiled softly and held her closely. She leaned into my touch and relaxed. "I know you want this baby, Dinah. It wouldn't be all that bad, actually. You have a natural motherly instinct and you grew up taking care of kids your entire life. As a bonus, your baby would totally be cute as shit."
I laughed at the last part of her rant. "I get why Camila wants me to get rid of the baby. We're young and it would be a constant reminder of what happened to me. Plus, where would we raise the baby. On the road? With my family? With hers? I don't even think they know about us. Let alone, this baby. My baby would be better off with Simon and his wife. They always wanted kids, and my baby could have their own room. I...I don't even have my own room, Lolo. Why would I deprive the baby of that? A chance to have it better than I did?"
She just stroked my hair softly. "I know you're scared and confused. I understand that part pretty well. But in the end, it's up to you. You are it's biological mother and the most influential voice in this process. What ever you decide to do, we will do nothing but support you. Okay?" She ends her speech by kissing the top of my head gently.
In another life, I think I could have ended up with Lauren. It's weird really. To think that if you change one small thing in the past, it could have a ripple effect on your entire life. When I'm high on all the meds I have to take in here, I always wonder what life would be like if one little thing changed. That little thing would have been me going on as a solo artist. Would I still be with Camila? Would I have been raped? Could this whole thing have been avoided?
"You ever think that if things went a little different, your whole life would be changed forever?" I chuckled softly and shook my head. Lauren seemed confused. "What? What did I say?" I turned in her arms and laid my head on her chest. "You didn't say anything wrong. I was just thinking the same thing and it's like you read my mind." "I'm just good like that, baby girl" she winked.
I hit her chest, "you're such a jerk sometimes." "You love it." We laughed for a second together. It felt so good to laugh with her. I hadn't felt free like this since I got back. Not even with Camila.
When I was finally pulled out of my thoughts, I realized my hand was still on Lauren's chest. We both looked down to it, and then up at each other. Her green eyes bored into mine, holding my attention. "Do you ever think in another life" she started, leaning her forehead against mine. "It could've been us?" Before I could even think my actions through, I leaned forward and pecked her lips.
When we pulled away, with both chuckled slightly. Lauren had an almost dazed look on her face. "Do it again" she trailed off, looking down towards my lips. I cupped her and brought her lips to mind, relishing in the feeling of a loving embrace. Instead of stopping, they all got deeper. "Mila" Lauren tried to speak between kisses, "and M-mani. They're...gonna be...so p-pissed."
I pulled away with a gasp when she said that. "You're right. We can't do this. Can we?" She just rubbed up and down my arm lightly. "Maybe in another life. When you were first in that wheelchair and it was just us... I thought that was it. This is the woman that I'm willing to do anything for to make happy. But you chose Mila and I'm so happy that I'm with Mani. Maybe in another life, we'd have that chance again. You could be mine and I could be yours. But this, right now... It's just not right."
I signed heavily, leaning into her chest. "You're probably right. It's a damn shame too, cause you're a bomb kisser." She laughed and playfully hit my shoulder.
"You're not too bad yourself, DJ."
