Poems, Rants and other jank

Rant #5: People pleasing

Who knew having a lot of friends would be bad?

Not me.

I find it hard to equal out the amount of time I spend with my friends in an attempt to make sure they dont think I favor one more than the other.

But thats me.

I know what its like to be favoured and to be ignored.

Ive lived my whole life one way or the other.

Its sad to say Im used to it.

But its true I am.

And I dont want my friends, my best friends, to ever feel that way.

Its just so hard when your best friends are all from different social circles.

One fits in with the gamers.

The other is a popular.

The other is with the anime group.

And so on and so forth.

When your best friends dont really mix its hard to have joined hang outs cause they arent that close and its awkward.

I do my best to equal out the time but damn its so hard to do so.

I wish they could understand the pressure I feel to even out time with them.

They know this though.

They know what Im trying to do.

But they say its fine if I spend more time with the other.

But I see through it.

And whether or not they are telling me the truth.

I do it anyways because thats me.

And I care too much.

But thats how its supposed to be isnt it?

One way to fix this would be to stop making more and more friends.

But every time I find the opportunity I take it.

I cant help it.

I see people every where who need friends.

Someone to lean on.

And well being the damn people pleaser I am.

I do it.

I force myself to be someone that person can lean on but make sure to keep a part of myself in it.

Someone that person can trust.

Because they can and I dont just spread secrets.

I treasure trust.

"I am a more flexible person, identity-wise."

I force myself to be someone Im not a lot just to please "other" people.

They say its hard to be someone else and remember yourself.

Thanks to God for giving me my best friends.

Because no matter who I pretend to be or what I become.

They remind me of who I am.

And I am forever thankful for that.

They try to stop me from being different people.

But they know of my need to make others happy as long as its within my limits.

And they know my limits are well adjustable.