Kissing Her Scars

Because It Takes The Pain Away

Brooke's day dragged slowly on. Lunch finally came and she was glad for a break. Jake, her classmate from philosophy asked her to sit with him at lunch to go over some things, so she did. While helping him with some philosophy stuff, one of his friends came in to talk to him. "Hey Jake! What're you guys up to?" Brook tried not to stare. "Hey Jasper," Jake said. "Oh, Brook, meet Jasper. Jasper, Brooke." Jasper was tall and thin with dark hair. His dark, mysterious brown eyes hid secrets and Brooke knew they had an untold story behind them. She locked eyes with him for a moment and then blinked. "H-hi! It's nice to meet you!" He smiled at her and she about fell off her chair. God stop gawking, stupid! You have a boyfriend. Brooke looked down at her papers. When lunch was over, she went to her next class smiling like a fool.

After school, Brooke checked her phone to see if her boyfriend, who had been ignoring her for the past three weeks, had finally texted or called her. Stop it! She chastised herself. He obviously doesn't care. She was getting tired of waiting to hear from him. This isn't working out. I should have known. How fucking stupid can you be? He's too busy for you. Brooke started to tear up, but sniffed it back when her dad drove up to pick her up from school. He dropped her off at home because he had to work late that night, which meant Brooke had 2 hours alone before her mom got home. 

She completely broke down while she was home alone. And so many thoughts ran through her head. Her parents fighting, the fact that so many friends had just left her in the dark, especially after she switched schools. Her life before she moved to where she lived now. She had terrible flashbacks from when she was little because of the horrible things she had experienced. She took it all out on herself, first with words: You're so stupid, you're such a dumbass, nobody cares, I hate you, you're ugly, why are you still alive, you should kill yourself, everybody has left you, nobody needs you, I wish I didn't exist, what's wrong with me? Why does everyone hate me? What did I do wrong? Why the fuck--- And then THE RAZOR BLADE IS INSIDE YOUR CD CASE YOU IDIOT.  And so she did the only thing that she knew would temporarily take the pain away. 

Brooke made her way to her room, almost as if she were pulled and drawn in, one foot in front of the other, eyes glazed over. She felt like she was in a trance as she opened the lid to her CD case and carefully picked up the shining razor blade. Logical reasoning tried to cram her head, but she let her depression shove it to the back of her mind. The only thought remaining? Why are you doing this, Brooke? I'm doing it because it takes the pain away.