Kissing Her Scars

Drama and Bullies

Brooke was in the middle of a conversation on the phone with her friend, Marie. Marie was, as always, mixed up in drama at school. She was also a cutter and had been under suicide watch several times.

"I don't know what to tell you Marie," Brooke was saying. "I wish I could be there for you, but I'm not much help since I've moved schools." Brooke was so tired of trying to help people. She was always there when someone needed her, but when she needed someone? No one was available. "Why do I even talk to you? When have you ever helped me through anything? And by the way, calling the police on me for sending out a suicide text doesn't count!" Marie told her. "I don't know what you're talking about. And you know what? I'm always here! I always listen to you and have I ever complained? NO. So stop being mad at me. Whatever, just call me or text me or something when you're done being mad," Brooke said, exasperated. "Fine, but that won't be for a while. So bye." Marie hung up on her. 

Brooke's eyes were welling up when Jasper walked up. "Hey, are you okay? I don't mean to eavesdrop, but---" "Yeah, I'm fine...thanks," Brooke cut him off and sniffed. "Are you sure?" Jasper looked genuinely concerned and it made Brooke's heart skip a beat. "Yeah...It's my friend...She's kind of dramatic, to put it loosely." She said. "Why don't you just ignore her drama then?" Jasper asked. "I can't. Sh-she's suicidal and... I don't know... I'm just trying my best to be there for her, but... Sometimes she's hard to deal with." Brook stammered. "Really? I was suicidal from 3rd grade until my freshman year." Jasper said, like it was nothing. Brooke stared at him. "Y-you? I mean...w-why?" He tried to look for a way to sum it all up. "One of my older sisters and a lot of other people bullied me. My sister is a huge jerk," He said. "Oh, I'm sorry." Brooke tried to think of something else to say but couldn't. "It's okay. It happens. All that matters is that I'm better now." Jasper gave Brooke a hug and then walked away. She stared after him, wondering what else they had in common. Does he cut himself? Should I talk to him about what I'm going through? What the hell, Brooke, of course not! You don't even know the guy! Brooke shook her head to clear her thoughts and gathered her things to go to class.

While in history, Brooke couldn't stop thinking about what Jasper had said. He was just so damn open about it, she thought. And he said his sister IS a jerk, not WAS. Does she still bully him? She scratched her arm. She knew what mean words could do to a person. I wonder what  he would say if he found out that I cut myself...Don't be an idiot Brooke, keep it covered. Don't let people see it, you're just a freak to them now. Once again she shook her head and tried to focus on the class. She couldn't so she wrote some things in her journal and pulled out her poem book. She read back through her poems, realizing that as the days went by, her thoughts seemed to get darker and her world just a little more bleak. Damn. I used to be so happy, she said to herself when she found a poem about joyfulness  in the front of her poem book. How did this happen? 

When Brooke got to her next class, she realized she had left her journal and poems behind. Shit! You better hope no one's read them you klutz. She ran back, only to find Jasper holding them. Brooke took a deep breath and walked over. She reached over and took them out of his hand. "Thanks," she said and walked out quickly, her face hot with embarrassment. God, you're so freaking stupid! What if he saw something? What if he tells someone, you idiot! Brooke hated being scared about people finding out her secrets, but she couldn't help it. Who wouldn't be scared about others finding out that you hurt yourself and contemplate suicide on a daily basis and write really dark poems?