Two Evils ◦ Finnick Odair

dodici; arcadia

TWO EVILS.

12. DODICI: ARCADIA - the calm before the storm

arcadia; noun, often capitalized ar·ca·dia \är-ˈkā-dē-ə\
a region or scene of simple pleasure and quiet

With every breath, her lungs felt like fire, uncontrollable and fierce, a warmth too hot to be pleasurable. Sweat dripped off her face, leaving trails of lukewarm water that felt like they were cascading like waterfalls. She didn't exactly know why she was there in the middle of the training room, while the light up above buzzed dimly.

Joanna was gone. Annie was gone. And she was stuck underground with nothing she could do to save them. One of her best friends gone in a flash because she chose to save Katniss. It wouldn't be a lie to say that she held some resentment against Katniss, but the brunette knew her pain. Peeta was stuck there to with no way out, too.

Grier could only imagine what time it was. Time seemed to pass by quickly ever since the Quarter Quell, and her memory since then was all a blur.  She guessed it was about four in the morning, but she couldn't tell. After all, they didn't exactly have windows in district 13. 

It was like this every night. She'd get up, leave her bedroom while ignoring the way Finnick shifted with the lack of warmth her body diminished, and somehow always find her way to the same place. Grier just couldn't sleep. The constant terrors haunted her every move like a ghost, threatening to spill every secret she ever held with a simple push in the wrong direction. 

Without so much of a glance back, Grier never felt Finnick's eyes on her back, watching as she left the room each night for reasons unknown to him. But he really did know. In the arena you become an entirely different person; it was always hard to switch back once that's all over. 

With a grunt, Grier picked up her pace, attacking the dummy she had set up in front of her. Memories of her recent nightmare resurfaced, shattering her facade.

A bloody hand flashed in her vision and Grier swung at the dummy harder.

There wasn't much to go by training wise but she used what she could. It was sort of peaceful being alone in that room where no one could judge her every move. 

Finnick's worried face filled her blurred vision, and numbness seeped into her core. 

It wasn't safe, but it was the safest she had felt in a long time. It felt like forever until the door of the room slid open and Grier looked away to find Finnick staring, a placid look on his face.

The dead lay all around her with Finnick as the last victim, killed by her own hand.

He seemed tired, so unlike the camera ready man the Capitol was used to witnessing every time they turned on their tv. She gave the dummy one last whack, hitting the dummy with a tremendous amount of force, hoping to rid the dream from her memory before calling it quits

Slowly, he made his way over to her, watching carefully as though she may crack at any moment. If anything, Grier felt cold watching him, all the sudden too aware of how alone they were. In their room it didn't seem like they were alone, but here, all sweaty and tired, Grier felt the most vulnerable she had felt since they had escaped the games.

Grier let out a sigh as she dropped her machete and sat down, exhaustion seeping into her bones. "Hey."

"You look tired," Finnick said, as he walked over and sat down next to her.

For a moment there was only silence, the dim buzz of lights above and the deep exhale's from Grier were the loudest sounds in the room. Finnick's leg jiggled up and down, a nervous tick she didn't know he had picked up. She wanted to say something, to ask how he knew she was here this early in the morning. Maybe he wanted to ask why he came to look for her.

Finnick broke the silence first. "How long have you been here?"

"A few hours maybe. I don't really know." The cracks in the concrete wall seemed more interesting than facing the truth that was Finnick. They normally weren't cautious with each other, but this early in the morning she didn't know how to act.

"You should get some sleep," Finnick sighed. "You've been doing this for the past few weeks. Eventually, you're gonna pass out and I don't want to be the one to carry you back."

He let out a little laugh to lighten the mood, but Grier still felt cold. It mocked her, seeping into her veins like ice. She wanted to laugh with him, to say every thing was alright, but she couldn't lie. Nothing was alright with her anymore, and she honestly didn't know how Finnick was surviving.

Grier raked a hand through her hair, finally bringing herself to look at Finnick again. "Maybe later."

"Was it another nightmare?" Finnick's voice was small, and she could feel her own eyes widen in shock.

She looked at him and began to stutter: "How-"

Finnick let out an airy laugh. "We sleep in the same bed. It's kind of hard to ignore."

"Yeah, sorry for that. I'll just let you go back to sleep."

"I won't leave until you come with me." The stubborn look on Finnick's face made it clear there was no room to argue.

She didn't want to sleep, but she couldn't keep running herself into the ground - she knew that. It took every ounce of strength in her body to even try to stand up again. Finnick, in his robed glorly, stood up and offered a hand to her. Gratefully, Grier grabbed his hand, letting herself become entrapped in his arms.

It was a blur - leaving the training room, walking down the grey halls that seemed to go on forever, getting to their own room. Finnick's hands were gentle as she stripped from her sweaty outfit and into some cotton pajamas. Slowly, he led her to the bed, laying her down so they faced each other, unable to see as they were clouded in a blanket of darkness. They laid for minutes, the tense atmosphere they once held had melted away the moment they left the training room.

"I'm not a killing machine," Grier croaked quietly to the void in front of her. "I don't want to be one anymore."

It took awhile before Finnick responded, his tone careful as he spoke. "I know that. It just takes some time. We all have demons, you just need to find some way to fight them."

"I know, but I still want some humanity, some chance at my old life. I don't remember it being this bad the last time." She could feel his hand grip hers and hold it tight, comforting her with that simple gesture.

"It doesn't matter how you acted last time because that was 10 years ago. You've changed so much since then. We'll figure it out; we always do."

Grier nodded, and she could feel her eyes grow heavier. In the stillness of the room, she finally felt at peace, still haunted by demons that had been kept at bay for the moment. For now it was just her and Finnick, in the stillness of early morning. In her last moments of groggy consciousness she could feel Finnick's lips press against her forehead, his thumb quick to follow as he brushed her hair.

"I promise you. We'll figure it out. Just the two of us."

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:)))) [word count: 1489]

author's note

updated 3/25/2020: so since ive lost all control in my life and i really didn't give them much of a love arc im gonna try and come back to this with mockingjay pt.1&2 (if i'm lucky). idk why im still on here as a 2nd year university student but oh well i have nothing better to do. this story is officially ongoing once again and is no longer just catching fire.

what am i doing coming back to a book i wrote as a 16 year old? im 20 jeez i dont even know. im feeling inspired for some reason. also i have a reason to rewatch thg ;) fuck i should edit the chapters. i guess that's what ill do.

7/10/2020: put the story as completed for now as i try and write more. 

best wishes,
mads aka volatilemind