They just don't understand *Trigger warning*

The day it all began

I stared at the bright blue walls which make up my bedroom sitting on my bed hopelessly crying to myself. I don't understand my situation. Nobody does. Out of everyone in this world, it has to be me, I always seem to question myself about it but there will never be an answer. Do I deserve this? I must do, nobody else goes through the pain I do. I must've done something wrong and this is my punishment. I just don't understand myself or anyone for that matter. I try and try to understand myself, but I always fail, I fail at everything. I'm nothing but a failure. 

I look down at my wrists with tears streaking down my face dripping onto the cuts. I can't stop looking at them, seeing all the scars that lay upon my skin. My thighs are worse, much worse. I can't even look at them any-more. I'm silent in person, but inside I'm screaming, the demons are taking over my body. The pain inside me, I just want it to end. I can't take this pain any longer. I don't know what to do any-more. I can't tell anyone, not yet anyway. 

Suicide comes to my head everyday. Will it work? Will my friends think I'm just crazy and leave me? Will people I don't know judge me? These questions pass my head all the time. Maybe it's in my head. Maybe I am as stupid as everyone says I am. 

Every single day is the same: I want to die and nobody understands.