They just don't understand *Trigger warning*

Day 1

I picked up my rose gold iPhone 6s (It was a present for my birthday) and I looked the time: 4:33 am. It's way too early, but I can't sleep. I put my iPhone on charge and head downstairs, it's peaceful downstairs, no noise. No movement. Nothing. I walk to the front door and turn the handle as quiet as possible. I leave it open to make sure I don't wake up my family. I walk to my front garden and sit down under the palm tree leaning against it. I sit there for a good two hours thinking about the depression that is taking over my life. I go back into the house when I see the sun is rising and close the door. I run straight up to my room and close my bedroom door behind me. I put on my uniform and go into the bathroom. I look at myself in the mirror. Ugly. All you will ever be is ugly Alaska why do you bother?

I rummage through my make-up bag looking for all the products I use every day: Concealer, Foundation, Powder, eye-liner and lip gloss. I put on my make up and look at myself again. Still no prettier. Ugh. Why is my life so hard? No matter how much make up I put on I'm still ugly. I put the special cream on my cuts the doctors prescribed me to make them less painful. I put the perfume on that my mum gave me for Christmas last year. I put my school jumper on, I'm the only one who wears a jumper out of all the girls in my year, but I don't care It covers the scars that bury deep within my arms. My scars represent my problems and my depressed mind. Nobody gets me, but we cutters we understand one another.

I brush my hair and teeth and grab my bag I walk out the door to the bus stop down the road and glance at my watch: 7:29 am. Pretty early I guess. I miss breakfast every time, because I just don't fancy eating food first thing in the morning. The school bus arrives around 8:00 am but I like getting there early it's calm and relaxes me for the day. There's so many people that get on at my bus stop, but I'm always guaranteed a seat as my best friend Jodie gets on at the first stop and saves me a seat next to her. I used to like school before things at home got worse, by worse I mean really bad. 

We get to school and we run up to floor three of E building (we have an A,B,C,D,E, and F) Jodie and I always come to the top of E and come up with some excuse to talk to Mr Harries. You might be thinking what's so great about Mr Harries? Well, let me tell you. He has the most gorgeous blue eyes, slick back hair, nicely trimmed beard, which really suits him, a tall torso and what makes Jodie and I laugh the most is the fact he has short legs compared to his tall torso. He's drop dead GORGEOUS. We always say we need help with maths homework even if its the easiest bit of homework you had ever seen, but we will do anything to see his face. Oh come on, I bet you have a teacher crush too. 

I had a boring school day as per usual. I try my best to fit in with my classmates, but it never works. Jodie and I, we get each other, we fight for one another. They're trying to split us up because we're too powerful together, but it won't work. We're a team and teams stick together. She's the only one I can trust, she's the only one who cares about me. The best thing anyone can do though is say everything will be okay, but they seriously don't understand me like she does. Although, she doesn't know everything yet.

3:15 pm: The bell rings

Finally the school day is over I run to the bus just to make sure Jodie and I get a seat as we have different last lessons. I sit there and stare out the window, trying not to make eye contact with anyone to avoid conversation. I pull the sleeves of my jumper to cover my hands as I feel so awkward. Finally, I see Jodie and start to smile, she's the only person that makes me smile these days. She comes and sits next to me and we give each other a hug. We start to talk about our days as we head off home. Its about a 45 minute ride home to my house, Jodie's is even longer as she gets off at the last stop. Finally, my stop comes and I get off and walk down the road to my house. I'm home alone tonight, mums gone out with her new boyfriend and Miles (my little brother) is round a friends for the night.

 I dump my bags on the floor and head off to my bedroom. I walk over to my speaker and put on depressing songs at full blast to try and take away the pain. I lay down on my bed just staring at the ceiling, tears rolling down my cheeks as the songs represent my life. I walk from my bedroom across to the bathroom and get out my razor, hopelessly crying to myself thinking about how bad my life has been. I make small cuts and put the razor away. I can't believe I just did that. I cant believe I just let the depression win. I'm such a loser. I walk back into my room and sit on the floor crying helplessly. I cry for a solid two hours until I have no tears left and drift off to sleep.

Today was... great..