1:35 am ✧ Lashton

Sleep

Song:
Stay away from my friends - Pierce the Veil

Tuesday May 10, 2016

Ashton's pov

I hated that I had to lie to Luke like that. It's been about a month and I couldn't stop thinking about it. Every morning was different after that. This will be our first time apart and I didn't even tell him that I was going to be gone. I couldn't tell him I wouldn't see him and I especially couldn't tell him why.

I couldn't tell him because I loved him. I've only known him for 3 months and I loved him with every sick fiber of my body.

And I'm so fucked up in the brain because I don't even know if I'll ever see him after this.

-------------

Tuesday May 10, 2016

It's 1:46 and Ashton still hasn't showed.

This is so unlike him.

God, Luke, just another person to add to the list of people who hate you.

"Shut up he doesn't hate me."

Are you fucking serious? Everyone hates you. Why do you think Ashton left? Why hasn't he shown up? Why did he lie to you? He kept secrets from you. He doesn't care.

"Shut up!"

Lukey, you brought them with you when you moved in didn't you?

"No."

Yes you did, they're taped to the bottom of the sink cabinet.

"I threw them away."

No you didn't. Theyre still there. Why don't you go get them? See if they still work?

"No no no. Please no. I stopped for Ashton. I've been clean since the first night we talked."

But you've wanted to. The thoughts of Calum came back. You're responsible for his death, Luke. You couldn't protect him. You're weak. You quit school and moved because you couldn't bare to drive by the ditch he was in everyday. You moved states and you quit school. Because you're weak. The blades are still there, Luke. Go get them.

"No! Stop, please!"

My scenery had changed and my legs had carried me somewhere new.

If you wanted to stop then why are we in the bathroom? Why is the door locked? Why did you throw away the tape, like you wouldn't need it anymore?

"Why did you make me do this. I was clean! I was clean for him!"

You were clean for him. You were clean for Ashton. He's gone Luke. He clearly doesn't want you anymore. You were just an experiment.

"Please stop. It hurts."

good.

"No it's not. Please stop."

No

"Stop!"

I threw the blade on the ground and didn't want to count the gashes that covered my limbs because it would be too many to keep tract of. I sat, not wanting to move and watched the blood bubble up from each wound like a fish breathing in a tank, confined by glass, not able to explore the ocean like it should.

I should never have opened the window. I should've ignored the tapping. I shouldn't have ever met Ashton. Shouldn't have told him about Calum. Should've never let him see me cry.

Aw Luke, what happened to loving Ashton? And staying clean for Ashton? Didn't work out did it? Nothing in your pathetic life will ever work out. Everyone you've ever loved, left.

"Calum didn't leave"

That's because he's dead. And it's your fault.

I just wanted to die. I could feel the numbing consume my arms and legs and I could feel the lack of blood persuade me to sleep.

See Luke? You can sleep without Ashton.

And I don't remember a second after that.

Hey are you sad yet?
Yes?
Good it's about to get worse :-)